Diarrhea Song and Diarrhea Cha Cha Cha: The Timeless Classics

“You sort of have to take your hate off to a kid who knows as many verses to ‘Diarrhea Cha Cha Cha’ as Harlan does.” – Chrissie Woodward, I Put a Spell On You.

Many folklorists like to justify these rhymes and songs by saying what function they serve for kids – ie, helping them deal with new knowledge about sex, fears of death, relieving racial tension, or what have you. I suppose I could do the same here – all kids need to learn the various indications that they might have diarrhea. These popular songs help teach them what warning signs they should be aware of, whether they’re riding in a chevy, sliding into first, or climbing up a ladder.

Here’s a version of this classic charmer that I learned from the kid down the street around 1987:

Diarrrhea, uh, uh, Diarrrhea, uh, uh,
People think it’s funny, but it’s really dark and runny
Diarrrhea, uh, uh, Diarrrhea, uh, uh,
People think it’s gross, but I eat it on my toast
Diarrrhea, uh, uh, Diarrrhea, uh, uh,
It’s really diarrhea, but it’s really fun to eat
Diarrrhea, uh, uh, Diarrrhea, uh, uh!

Minor variations have been recorded by folklorists around the country back to at least the mid 1960s. More often, it seems, the kids made “thhbbt” noises, rather than the “uh uhs” that I heard. The version Mike B. taught me in his basement over a game of Centipede (on a level when the enemies were the color of diarrhea) is the only one I’ve heard that includes the last line, which I suspect he was making up as he went along, but plenty of versions involve eating it on toast.

Probably even more popular are “The Diarrhea Song” and “Diarrhea Cha Cha Cha,” which are different from “Diarrhea Uh Uh” mainly in that they have a more upbeat melody.

The basics:
When you sliding into first
with your pants about the burst
Diarrhea (optional: cha cha cha)
Diarrhea (optional: cha cha cha)

There are LOTS of verses to this. Just a few:

When you’re riding in a Chevy
and you feel something heavy

When you’re sliding into home
and your pants are full of foam

When you’re sitting in the bath
and you feel something splash

ETC. Some ambitious kids helpfully divide them into subsets, ie, singing versions that are all about sliding into various bases, riding in different models of cars, sitting in different class rooms, etc.

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38 Comments

  1. Flygirl1

    When you're swimming in the pool,
    and you feel something cool…

    Toronto (1980's)

    Reply
  2. Anonymous

    If you have to go,
    just sit and let it flow …

    Pekin, Illinois (1970s)

    Reply
  3. Anonymous

    When you're walking up a ladder,
    and you hear something splatter…

    Houston, Texas (early 90's)

    Reply
  4. sarbear82

    When ur sliding into third and you feel a juicy terd

    Reply
  5. sarbear82

    When ur sliding into third and you feel a juicy terd

    Reply
  6. sarbear82

    When ur sliding into third and you feel a juicy terd

    Reply
  7. Erin

    Georgia, early 80s

    Reply
  8. Anonymous

    no pain no strain just sit and let it drain

    Reply
  9. Anonymous

    When your sitting on the john
    And all the toilet paper's gone
    Be a man, use your hand

    Also

    What makes the fart sound like thunder?
    (wet fart noise)
    Diarrhea, diarrhea

    Eastern Ontario, Early 1990s

    Reply
  10. Anonymous

    A baseball themed one!

    When your up to bat the ball
    and your undies start to fall
    Diarrhea, Diarrhea

    When your running into first
    and you feel a juicy burst
    Diarrhea, Diarrhea

    When your rounding second base
    and your pants are full of paste
    Diarrhea, Diarrhea

    When your sliding in to home
    and your pants are full of foam
    Diarrhea, Diarrhea

    Reply
  11. Anonymous

    I forgot Third base…opps!

    When your sliding into third
    and you feel a juicy turd
    Diarrhea, Diarrhea

    Reply
  12. Pencil

    never understood why you'd have a turd if it was diarrhea…

    Reply
  13. Richard!

    "hat", Take your HAT off.

    Reply
  14. DrAlBendover

    When your bowels are in a scare,
    because of ObamaCare,
    Diarrhea, Diarrhea.

    Reply
  15. DrAlBendover

    When you go to McDonald's,
    and order a Happy Meal,
    then get on the toilet
    and find out how it feels.
    Diarrhea, Diarrhea.

    (Currently drunk and all three phrases just popped in my head, out of nowhere).

    Reply
  16. DrAlBendover

    When you have one too many drinks,
    and something starts to stink,
    Diarrhea, Diarrhea.

    Reply
  17. DrAlBendover

    When the preppers are getting ready for martial law,
    then they witness the worse thing that they ever saw,
    Diarrhea, Diarrhea.

    Reply
  18. DrAlBendover

    When you have a wet fart,
    and that's just the start,
    Diarrhea, Diarrhea.

    Reply
  19. DrAlBendover

    When you're trying to deck the halls with boughs of holly,
    but you're bowels are screaming, "Good Golly Miss Molly,"
    Diarrhea, Diarrhea.

    Reply
  20. DrAlBendover

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    Reply
  21. DrAlBendover

    What you thought was the November to remember,
    that lasted well past December,
    Diarrhea, Diarrhea.

    Reply
  22. DrAlBendover

    While everybody else is wishing you a Merry Christmas
    and a Happy New Year,
    you're just sitting on the toilet in absolute fear,
    Diarrhea, Diarrhea.

    Reply
  23. DrAlBendover

    While everybody else are updating their status on facebook,
    you're experience on the toilet felt a lot longer than it took.
    Diarrhea, Diarrhea.

    Reply
  24. DrAlBendover

    When you're drunk as hell,
    but can still detect that smell.
    Diarrhea, Diarrhea.

    Reply
  25. DrAlBendover

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    Reply
  26. DrAlBendover

    When Obama says that you can keep your plan,
    but 24 hours later, you're still on the can,
    Diarrhea, Diarrhea.

    Reply
  27. DrAlBendover

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    Reply
  28. DrAlBendover

    When you lose 20 lbs.
    from long runny sounds,
    Diarrhea, Diarrhea.

    Reply
  29. DrAlBendover

    When you're bowels are in a war,
    putting up a fight.
    It's time to say change your diet and squat when pooping (instead of using the toilet), google it and good night.
    no more Diarrhea, Diarrhea.

    Reply
  30. Ace Ebb

    Central NJ, 1985/86
    These were the "baseball themed" verses i heard:

    when you're sliding into first
    and you feel that baby burst
    diarrhea, diarrhea
    when you're sliding into second
    and you've only got a second
    diarrhea, diarrhea
    when you're sliding into third
    and you feel a juicy turd
    diarrhea, diarrhea
    when you're sliding into home
    and your pants are full of foam
    diarrhea, diarrhea

    the diarrhea refrain was accompanied either by "cha-cha-cha" or two fart noises.

    Reply
  31. Jennifer

    My brother thinks it's funny,
    But it's really thick and runny.
    Diarrhea, ch, ch, Diarrhea, ch, ch

    Some people think it's gross,
    But it's really good on toast.
    Diarrhea, ch, ch, Diarrhea, ch, ch

    Now I'm on a baseball team
    And my pants begin to steam.
    Diarrhea, ch, ch, Diarrhea, ch, ch

    Now I'm on my way to first
    And my pants begin to burst
    Diarrhea, ch, ch, Diarrhea, ch, ch

    Now I'm on my way to third
    And my pants begin to turd.
    Diarrhea, ch, ch, Diarrhea, ch, ch

    Now I'm on my way to home
    And my pants begin to foam.
    Diarrhea, ch, ch, Diarrhea, ch, ch

    (Des Moines, IA late 1970s)

    Reply
  32. Chad Wells

    When you're sitting in class
    and you feel something pass
    Diarrhea, cha-cha-cha

    Reply
  33. Angel Allen

    Hahaha good one

    Reply
  34. Diapoopy

    I don't think some people understand or have any rhythm

    Reply
  35. thumper1969

    1975-1979, Tampa, Florida area

    Diarrhea, diarrhea
    Some people think it's funny,
    But it comes out red and runny,
    Diarrhea, diarrhea.

    Reply
  36. LifeNTransition

    Forgot to mention I used to sing mine growing up in Choctaw, Oklahoma in the mid 80s.

    Reply
  37. Campbell's soup

    It looks like Campbell's soup,
    But it's really yucky poop,
    Diarrhea cha cha cha,
    Diarrhea cha cha cha.
    From Birmingham, AL circa 1980's.

    When you wake up anxiously sweating in bed,
    As your butt cheeks begin to spread,
    Diarrhea cha cha cha,
    Diarrhea cha cha cha.
    Circa birmingham, AL 2015.

    your smile quickly turns into a frown,
    when your assblast turns your tighty whitey's brown,
    Diarrhea cha cha cha,
    Diarrhea cha cha cha.
    birmingham, AL 2015.

    Your undies bubble and froth,
    filled with your intestinal brown broth,
    Diarrhea cha cha cha,
    Diarrhea cha cha cha.
    birmingham, AL circa 2015.

    instead of coming out hard and whole,
    Brown gravy bubbled and spewed from your hole,
    Diarrhea cha cha cha,
    Diarrhea cha cha cha.
    birmingham, AL circa 2015

    Instead of manning up and making the cut,
    Brown lava spewed forth from your butt,
    Diarrhea cha cha cha,
    Diarrhea cha cha cha.
    Birmingham, AL circa 2015

    instead of depositing a nice, neatly coiled loop,
    You splattered explosive, liquified poop.
    Diarrhea cha cha cha,
    Diarrhea cha cha cha.
    birmingham, AL circa 2015

    Your yesterday's chili came back to say smello,
    With an involuntary evacuation from your bowels down deep below,
    Diarrhea cha cha cha,
    Diarrhea cha cha cha.

    when you take a fiery yellow liquid shit,
    waving the white paper, you made the toilet quit,
    Diarrhea cha cha cha,
    Diarrhea cha cha cha.
    birmingham, AL circa 2015

    The police post your picture on tv as a "killer on the loose,
    after crushing the bathroom at Walmart with your runny putrid deuce.
    Diarrhea cha cha cha,
    Diarrhea cha cha cha.
    birmingham, AL circa

    you asked the maitre de for the cork from the wine,
    to plug up your retchid spewing behind,
    Diarrhea cha cha cha,
    diarDiarrhea cha cha cha.
    birmingham, AL circa 2015.

    The we're amazed that it could be done,
    your loaded ass shoots liquified food bullets like a machine gun,
    Diarrhea cha cha cha,
    Diarrhea cha cha cha.
    birmingham, AL 2015

    Reply
  38. Elena Wofford

    That's the one I knew

    Reply

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