Here Comes the Bride

Here comes the bride
all fate and wide
here comes the groom
thin as a broom

Other additions include:

see how she wobbles
from side to side

And

Here’s comes the usher,
the old toilet flusher

When this hit my first grade class, we outdid each other trying to make up new verses, such as “Here comes the parson / his name’s Johnny Carson,” which I’ve gotta say was pretty good. Then there was “Here comes the loop / an old piece of poop.” This absolutely slayed us, and was probably the reason I spent a few years thinking there was some functionary at weddings known as “the loop.”

The parody has been going around since at least the 1960s, and appeared in one of Beverly Cleary’s “Ramona” books.

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16 Comments

  1. Paul

    Here comes the bride
    Four feet wide
    Stepped on a turtle
    And down came her girdle!

    (Thunder Bay, northwestern Ontario, 1970s)

    Reply
    1. Jack

      Heard this one in Lindsay, Ontario in the 90’s.

      Reply
  2. Anonymous

    Here comes the bride,
    All fat and wide,
    Slipped on a banana skin,
    and went for a ride!

    South Africa, (late 1960s and 1970s)

    Reply
  3. Anonymous

    Here comes the bride,
    Tall, fat, and wide,
    watch her as she wobbles
    from side to side.

    My aged babysitter sang this in MA the early 1970s.

    Reply
  4. Anonymous

    Here comes the bride
    All dressed in white
    She slipped on a banana peel
    And went for a ride!

    South Africa in the late 1980s

    Reply
    1. Jack

      Heard this one in Lindsay, Ontario in the 90’s.

      Reply
  5. Anonymous

    Los Angeles, 50's – 60's

    Here comes the bride
    All dressed in pink
    Open the window
    And let out the stink!

    Reply
  6. Anonymous

    Here comes the bride
    Here comes the bride
    Where is the groom?
    He's in the bathroom!
    Why is he there?
    He's in his underwear!

    Reply
  7. pennyrobinsonfanclub.net

    Here comes the bride
    All dressed in white
    Stepped on a turtle
    And down came her girdle!

    Bit of a mashup of some others! Heard from my southern NJ cousin in maybe the late 60s?

    Reply
  8. Unknown

    Here comes the bride,
    Fair, fat, and wide!
    Here comes the groom,
    Skinny as a broom!
    Here comes the usher,
    The old toilet flusher!

    Wisconsin, 1980s

    Reply
  9. Jordan DeRosa

    Here comes the bride
    All fat and wide
    Can't fit through the front door
    Has to go round the side

    Cornwall, United Kingdom 2000

    Reply
  10. Anonymous

    Here comes the bride,
    Big fat and wide
    See how she wobbles from side to side!
    Here comes the groom,
    Skinny as a broom
    He’d wobble too if he had any room!

    BC Canada, 2000

    Reply
  11. Devon Kennedy

    A girl I was friends with in elementary school taught it to me as:

    Here comes the bride,
    Big, fat and wide!
    Where is the groom?
    He’s in the dressing room!
    Why is he there?
    Forgot his underwear!

    (NYC, early 2000s)

    Reply
  12. Shaaani Pakistaaani

    Here comes the bride
    All dressed in white
    Jumped in a taxi
    Come out the other side!

    Romford, Essex UK Early 1980’s

    How did a search of a dnb track with pimp sample from “The Mack” and a synth riff of wedding march land me here? Oh right it’s 4:53am so really anything’s likely…..

    Reply
  13. huma

    This was from the seventies, and is the most logical in my humble opinion
    :)

    Here comes the bride
    Sixty inches wide
    Here comes the groom
    Although there’s hardly room

    …cos if the bride is very wide, of course there’s no room for the groom

    Sigh……oh for those lost idyllic days of skipping in the street, playing clapping games and … this is an odd one…making little balls out of tarmac in the hot weather!

    Reply
  14. Boo

    Our version.

    Here comes her truck, covered in muck
    See how she waddles just like a duck.

    Here’s her pet pupper (puppy)
    An old toilet flusher

    Her name is doop
    Her friend’s name is Poop

    Watch her dance and dip
    Watch her hair flip

    She waddles back to her truck again
    She’s not a human, she’s a chubby penguin!

    .

    Reply

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