How Dry I Am

This one comes up a lot – I have no idea how the original goes. Here’re some versions collected by Kay Shapero:

How dry I am
How wet I’ll be
If I don’t find
The bathroom key

I found the key
Now where’s the door?
It’s too late now
It’s on the floor

Around here the second verse was:

I found the key
I opened the door
It’s too late now
Clean up the floor.

Contributed by Robert Goodwin

How dry I am
How wet I’ll be
If I can’t find
My zipper pull

I found the pull
Now where’s the string?
It’s too late now
911 I rang

I found the pull
I pulled the string
It’s too late now
The doorbell will ring.

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7 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Mine's a slight hybrid at the end since it was "I found the key I opened the door Too late now It's on the floor. That was on Long Island in the mid 1970's

    Reply
  2. MysticalChicken

    I learned the second verse as "I found the key/Won't fit the door/It's too late now/It's on the floor."

    also I could have sworn there was at least one more verse but I guess not? I seem to remember a third verse ending "…it's too late now/it's on my shoe" but I can't remember the first part of it.

    Reply
  3. MysticalChicken

    shoot, I forgot to mention I learned that version in Oregon in the mid-80s to early '90s probably? I know one of my parents taught it to me but I don't remember which one. If it was my dad it probably was from Oregon as he grew up in Portland, but if it was my mom that version was probably from Memphis, TN.

    Reply
  4. Justin Herman

    We sang this in elementary school in Hartford CT in the late 1960s. Our version went:

    How dry I am
    How wet I'll be
    If I don't find
    The bathroom key
    I found the key
    Now where's the door
    My underpants
    Won't hold no more.

    Reply
  5. JK

    My Dad’s version:

    How dry I am
    How wet I’ll be
    If I don’t find the bathroom key
    I found the key
    I found the door
    It is too late
    It’s on the floor

    His would have been the western South Dakota version.
    I assume he learned it as a kid.
    He was born in 1917.

    Reply
  6. Dad

    How dry I am
    How wet I’ll be
    If I don’t find
    the bathroom key

    I found the key
    Bit it’s too late
    I had to go
    I could not wait

    Reply
  7. JT

    Very likely a little offshoot of “How Dry I Am”.

    https://www.wikiwand.com/en/The_Near_Future

    Reply

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