Sung roughly to the tune of “Old Macdonald Had a Farm”
Old Macdonald sitting on a fence
picking his balls with a monkey wrench.
The wrench got hot, he burned his balls
and he pissed all over his overalls.
See also: When I Was Young, I Had No Sense.
I heard this on a school bus in 1991, but a varaition from the early 70s was recorded in the Knapp’s book.
Old Macdonald sitting on a fence
hitting his with a monkey wrench.
missed his knee, cracked his balls
and he pissed all over his overalls.
Some versions move on to:
When I die, bury me
hang my balls from a cherry tree
See also: Abe Lincoln was a Good Old Man
In the book version of this site (linked below), we go into a LOT more detail here. The whole song is composed from lines of old folk songs like “When I Was Young I Had No Sense,” “The Twa Sisters,” and “When I die.” Basically, what we have here is a song that evolved from a tune about murdering your sister and turning her body into a violin that evolved into a song about pissing your overalls. That’s what we call “the folk process.” Neat!
i heard this in texas around 2000.
old mcdonald sittin on a fence
beatin his meat with a monkey wrench
missed his meat and hit his balls
nutted all over his overalls
went into the kitchen a little too fast
stuck his dick up grandmas ass
grandma yelled e i o
get your dick outta my booty hole
he went to the river to wash it off
them damn old beavers bit it off
so he went to the doctors to put it back on
and the doctor said dammit son your dick is done
Lmfao hilarious!
I heard it when I was 6 (1990) from my brother as
Old MacDonald sitting on a fence
Beating his meat with a monkey wrench
Missed his meat and hit his balls
Blood got over his overalls
Went to the creek to wash it off
Saw two beavers jacking off
Picked up a stick
Whacked it in the dick
Never seen a beaver run so quick
Toronto 2001, heard it from a friend like this. Old Mcdonald sitting on a fence, picking his balls with a monkey wrench, wrench got hot and burned his balls went right through his overalls. Called the doctor and the doctor said, sorry sir your balls are dead. When I die marry me hang my balls on a cherry tree, when there ripe take a bite don't blame me if you barf all night.
Old MacDonald sitting on a bench
Picking his butt with a monkey wrench.
Missed his butt and cut his balls
Peed all over his overalls.
Went to the lake to wash them off.
An alligator bit then off.
Went to the doctor, the doctor said,
“Sorry, sir, but your balls are dead!”
When I die, bury me.
Hang my balls from a cherry tree.
When they’re ripe, take a bite.
Don’t blame me if you barf all night!
That’s the version I heard in San Diego, California in 2003.
Maryland, ~2002-2004, slight variation:
Old MacDonald sat on a bench
Picking his balls with a monkey wrench
Wrench got hot and burned his balls
Then he peed his overalls
Called the doctor; the doctor said,
“Sorry son, but your balls are dead!”
When I day, you’ll bury me;
Hang my balls on a cherry tree
When they’re ripe, you take a bite;
Don’t blame me if they don’t taste right!
*when I DIE, you’ll bury me.
(friggin’ autocorrect)
I heard my version about 5 years ago, and I've never found a version the same as mine:
Old McDonald sittin on a bench
picking his butt with a monkey wrench
slightly missed and hit his balls
peed all over his overalls
went to the lake to wash them off
an alligator bit them off
went to the doctor and the doctor said
"Sorry Mac your balls are dead"
one bally, two bally, three bally, four
his balls got stuck in the elevator door
his momma screamed, his balls turned green
that was the end of his ding-a-ling-a-ling!
I heard this when I was in grade school and as you may have guessed its slightly different!
Old McdDonald sitting on a bench
Beating his knee with a monkey wrench
missed his knee and hit his balls
peed all over his overalls
Went to the doctor, the doctor said
"Oh my God your balls are red!"
So he went to a sailor and the sailor said
"Yaaaaar they look like a lobster head"
Heard it in the the 80's from a friend…3 hrs north of Toronto
Old McDonald sittin' on a fence
pickin' his balls with a monkey wrench
wrench got hot, burned his balls
pissed all over his coveralls
Went to the kitchen to wash them off
window came down & cut them off
Went to the doctor, doctor said
"sorry McDonald your balls are dead"
When I die bury me
hang my balls from a cherry tree
When they're ripe, take a bite
don't blame me if you barf all night
Old McDonald Sittin on a fence
Beatin his meat with a monkey wrench.
Missed his meat and hit his balls,
Pissed all over his overalls.
Ran in the house so god damned fast
Stuck his dick up grannys ass.
Granny said oh my oh me
Grampa's got his dick up me!
Great Lakes, IL 90's
Old McDonald sittin on a fence
beating his knee with a monkey wrench
he his his knee and hit his ball
his dick went splat in his overall
he ran so far and ran so fast
and stuck his dick in grandmas ass
grandma said e i o
get your out of my butthole
i heard this as:
old mcdonald sitting on the fence,
whacking his balls with a monkey wrench,
the wrench got hot and he burnt his balls,
pissed all over his overalls,
went to the doctor the doctor said,
sorry mate your balls are dead!
when i die, bury me,
hang my balls on a cherry tree,
when they're ripe, take a bite,
dont blame me if you fart all night!
I remember as follows:
Ol' McDonald sitting on a fence,
Picking his balls with a monkey wrench,
the wrench got hot and burned his balls,
then he pissed in his overalls.
He went to the doctor,
and the doctor said,
sorry son, your balls are dead!
When I die, bury me,
hang my balls in a cherry tree,
if they crack,Tabarnak!
Send them back to Radio Shaaaack!
I heard this on the bus from Sarah Smith in Indianapolis in the late 1980s.
Old McDonald sitting on a fence
Picking his nose [or beating his meat] with a monkey wrench
Missed his [] and hit his balls
Piss all over his overalls
Ran to the kitchen
Way too fast
Stuck his finger up Grandma's ass.
Grandma said, "Well, bless my soul!
Get your damn finger
Out of my asshole!"
Old McDonald sitting on a fence whacking his penis with a monkey wrench but he slipped and hit his balls before he wet his overalls then granny said come on over and whack my phannies. Right after u pull down my pannies.
old macdonald sat on a fence caught his balls on a monkeys rench the rench got hot and burnt his balls he peed all over his overalls he went to the doctor and he said sorry mate ya balls are dead when I die beery me and hang my balls from a cherry tree when there ripe take a bite dont blame me if you fart all night
ching chan china man standing from a rubber band he slips he falls hes hanging from his balls they rip they ter he dosn't even care thats the end of the ching chang china man.
Lorain, Ohio, mid 90's:
Old MacDonald was sitting on a fence, beating his meat with a monkey wrench.
Missed his meat and hit his balls, and pissed all over his overalls.
He went to the river to wash it off, and saw two beavers jacking off.
Threw a stick and hit 'em in the dick. Never seen a beaver run so quick!
North West Territories 1990's
Old MacDonald sittin' on a fence
Hittin' his knee with a monkey wrench
All of a sudden he split his pants
Ran inside needle in-hand
1.. 2.. 3.. OUCH oh damn
stitched his seat into his fanny
Ran to the doctor super fast
Entire waitin' room began to laugh
Ol' man left his undies at home!
Old McDonald sittin' on a bench,
hittin' his knee with a monkey wrench.
He missed his knee and hit his balls…
now he's got piss on his overalls!
He went to the lake to wash it off.
He saw a beaver jacking off.
He picked up a stick and hit his dick.
He'd never seen a beaver run so quick.
He went to the doctor and the doctor said…
"Oh my God, your balls are dead!"
When I die and they bury me…
tie my balls to a cherry tree.
When they're ripe, take a bite.
I hope they taste like dynamite.
^Now that's what I remember! I mean, I doubt if I'm remembering word-for-word how I said it when I told people… but this is almost 100% how I repeated it. It's funny seeing everyone's variations. We all pretty much heard the same thing though. It's like playing that game 'telephone' when you were younger. That game always ended in some shit that you didn't start with. Kids hear what they want to hear. All I know is that this is how I hear the rhyme. 😀
i thought it was
oh mcdonald sitting on a bench
picking his balls with a monkey wrench
the wrench got hot burned his balls
and he pissed all over his overalls
he went to the doctor the doctor said
sorry sir your balls are dead…
i heard this one about 16 years ago…my friend and i used to sing it all the time
old macdonald sitttin on a fence
pickin his balls with a monkey wrench
the wrench got hot, burned his balls
pissed all over his overralls
went to the doctor, and the doctor said
'sorry son your balls are dead'
when i die, bury me
hang my balls on a cherry tree
when their ripe, take a bite
don't blame me if they don't taste right
California 2002
There was an old man sitting on a bench
playing with his dick with a monkey wrench.
He missed his dick and hit his balls,
cum got on his overalls.
He went to the lake to wash it off,
saw a beaver jacking off.
he stuck a glass up its ass,
never saw a beaver run so fast.
when i was a kid it went like this.
Old McDonald sittin' on the fence,
Pickin' his balls with the monkey wrench.
Wrench got hot and burned his balls,
Pissed all over his overalls.
Went to the doctors, the doctor said,
"Sorry McDonald, but your balls are dead.
Than he said so merrily,
"When I die you will bury me,
and hang my balls from a cherry tree."
Than he said with all his might,
"Don't blame me if you barf all night."
Old mcdonals sittin on a bench picking his balls with a monkey wrench the wrench got hot and burned his balls pissed all over his overalls, went to the kitchen to cool them off the window shut and cut them off, went to the doctor the doctor said..Sorry kid your balls are dead, later on they barried me hung my balls on a apple tree, if you ate them don't blame me, blame the guy who barried me
Old McDonald sat on the fence,
picking his balls with a monkey wrench
wrench got hot, burnt his balls
pissed all over his overalls
went to the doctor and the doctor said
damn it mate, those balls are dead
when I die and they bury me
hang my balls in a cherry tree
when they're ripe, take a bite
dont blame me if you fart all night
Waikato, New Zealand, early 90's
This is the one I heard…
this is the vision i heard… lol
Ol' McDonald sitting on a bench, picking his balls with a monkey wrench. Wrench got hot, burned his balls, pissed all over his overalls…
Old Mc Donald sittin on a bench
picking his balls with a monkey wrench
wrench got hot burnt his balls
he pissed all over his overalls
went to the doctor and the doctor said
sorry sir but you balls are dead
when i did bury me
hang my balls from a cherry tree
when they're ripe take a bite
don't blame me if they don't taste right
old mc donald sittin on a bench beating his meat with a monkey wrench missed his meat and hit his balls pissed all over his overalls went to the lake to wash them off then an beaver bit them off
We had a fat smartass kid named Terry Cotton….So we sang:
Big fat Cotton sittin on a bench, jackin his dick with a monkey wrench
Wench got hot, he started to fall…Pissed all over his underalls
Same
wow so many different versions its amazing, any ways ireland 2004
old MC Donald picking his balls with a monkey wench
by mistake he squeezed to tight pissed all over niagra falls
went to the doctor, doctor said sorry son your balls are dead
when i die bury me hang my ball on the washing line at half past nine if they fall kick them to Santa clause
if calls tell him then i cant remember the rest
Here's the version I know. Pretty similar to a lot of the ones posted here, but with some slight differences.
Old MacDonald sitting on a bench,
Hit his knee with a monkey wrench.
Missed his knee, hit his balls,
Peed all over his overalls.
He went to the doctor, the doctor said,
"Oh my gosh, your balls are dead."
When I die, bury me,
Hang my balls on the cherry tree.
When they're ripe, take a bite,
Don't blame me if you barf all night.
old macdonald sitting on a bench, picked his balls with a monkey wrench, wrench got hot burned his balls, pissed all over his overalls, went to the window cool them off, stupid window chopped them off, went to the doctor, doctor said, sorry dude your balls are dead, when I die bury me, hang my balls by the cherry tree, when they're ripe take a bite, don't blame me if you puke all night. Ontario, Canada 2006.
old mcdonald sitting on a bench beating his meat with the monkey wrench missed his me hit his balls pissed all over his overalls ran inside to change his pants stuck his pecker up grandma's ass grandma said well bless my soul get your dick out of my asshole
Ran outside to cool it off… Damn bulldog bit it off… Wisconsin 1996
I heard it this way when I was a kid:
old mcdonald sitting on a bench beating his meat with a monkey wrench missed his meat cracked his balls pissed all over his overalls went to the lake to wash it all damn alligator bit it off went to the doctor and the doctor said sorry sir your dick is dead
CA , 1997
I wrote that above I forgot to put this in
i herd this in around 2005 and it went like this
old mcdonald sitting on a bench picking is balls with a monkey ranch, ranch got hot burned his overalls went to the docter and the docter said ''OMG your balls are dead'' when i die burry my balls underneth a berry tree and when im in heaven i can see them on channel 3!
it wasent the best put still damn funny!
I'm horny
wow, that was awful. it had no rhyme or reason.. made no sense. i bet it would be funnier if yo typed it correctly and got the grammar correct.
well that about sums up the song guys… 50 people saying he exact fucking thing. reminds me of politics.
Dallas tx mid 1970's
Old macdonald sittin on the fence
Beatin' his meat with a monkey wrench
Missed his dick and hit his balls
Pissed red blood on his overalls
When I die don't bury me
Hang my balls on a cherry tree
When their ripe take a bite
Don't blame me if they don't taste right
A monkey and a babboon sittin' in the grass
The monkey stuck his finger up the babboon's ass
The babboon said what you do dat foe?
Gey yo damned finger outta my asshoe!
Old McDonald sitting on a bench
Hittin his knee with a monkey wrench
Missed his knee and hit his balls
Pissed all over his overalls
Went to the river to wash it off
That damn croc bit it off
Went to the doctor and the doctor said
Sorry man your friend is dead
When I die, bury me
Hand my balls from a cherry tree
When they're ripe take a bite
Don't blame me if they don't taste right!
Heard at William Howard Taft Middle School (they called it "junior high school" back then), San Diego, California, 1975 – which means I have all you young whippersnappers beat and will call this the original version 😉
Old McDonald sittin' on a fence
beatin' his meat with a monkey wrench
missed his meat and hit his balls
splattered on his overalls
I've never heard it sung to the tune of "Old McDonald Had a Farm" – it was always always chanted "back in my day." However, my brother plays upright bass and the other day he was over at my house with his bass and he started playing Stray Cat Strut – and I, well, I found that "Old McDonald sittin' on a fence" fits perfectly with the music for Stray Cat Strut and I had to sing it
The original, eh? We were singing this in the early- mid-sixties, in the Chicago area, although I can’t remember the exact lyrics anymore. We were also singing:
“Ching-chong Chinaman, sitting’ on a fence
trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents.”
I’m sorry, I don’t recall the rest of the fine lyrics, but you get the idea. In the sixties, you heard a lot of straight-up racist stuff, and they were still playing a lot of the racist cartoons on television, particularly those with a WW II theme.
What I find interesting, and to which I haven’t seen much written about, is how this stuff get transmitted so widely, especially in the days when travel was not so common. I would love to see that explored in an article.
Heard at William Howard Taft Middle School (they called it "junior high school" back then), San Diego, California, 1975 – which means I have all you young whippersnappers beat and will call this the original version 😉
Old McDonald sittin' on a fence
beatin' his meat with a monkey wrench
missed his meat and hit his balls
splattered on his overalls
I've never heard it sung to the tune of "Old McDonald Had a Farm" – it was always always chanted "back in my day." However, my brother plays upright bass and the other day he was over at my house with his bass and he started playing Stray Cat Strut – and I, well, I found that "Old McDonald sittin' on a fence" fits perfectly with the music for Stray Cat Strut and I had to sing it
I was in wichita ka in 2004 it went.
Old McDonald sittin on a bench-beatin his dick with a monkey wrentch-Missed his Dick-Hit Hit his Balls-Pissed all over the front of his draws- Went to the lake to wash off – his girlfriend found him jackin off
old McDonald sitting on a bench picking his butt with a monkey then he missed and hit his balls started bleeding onto his overalls went to the river to wash them of angry beaver bit them of went to the doctor and the doctor said im sorry your balls are dead
Old mcdonald sitting on a bench hit his knee with a monkey wrench missed his knee and hit his balls peed all over his overalls went to the lake to wash it off alligator bit them off went to the doctor and the doctor said im sorry son your balls are dead when i die burry me stick my balls in a cherry tree when their ripe take a bite dont blame me if you barf all night.
This song is actually used in some rap song. ill have to find it but i believe it goes
Old Mcdonald sitting on a fence, picking his balls with a monkey wrench, The wrench got hot and burned his balls he pissed all over his overalls. He called the doctor and the doctor said, sorry sir your balls are dead. When I die burry me and hang my balls on a cherry tree, when there ripe take a bite don't blame me if you barf all night.
Heard this I think back in 2005:
Old macdonald sittin' on a bench picking his balls with a monkey wrench. Wrench got hot and burned his balls, pissed all over his overalls. Went to the window to cool them off, window shut and cut 'em off. Went to the doctor and the doctor said, "oh my god your balls are dead!" When I die, bury me. hang my balls from a cherry tree. When they're ripe take a bite. Don't blame me if you barf all night.
Almost the same as me. Also heard it in Ontario around 2006.
Ithaca NY, late 60s
Old McDonald sittin' on a fence
Beatin' his meat with a monkey's wrench
Missed his meat and he got his balls
Pissed all over his overalls
We never had any of the other verses and I feel distinctly cheated.
I live in Toronto and this is how we always sang it :
Old Mcdonald sitting on a fence
picking his balls with a monkey wrench
Wrench got hot and burnt his balls
pissed all over his overalls
Went to the window to cool them off
Window dropped and chopped them off
went to the dr. and the dr. said
Sorry sir your balls are dead
When I die bury me
hang my balls on a cherry tree
when they're ripe take a bite
don't blame me if you barf all night
Here's a unique one I was surprised I didn't see here.
Northern virginia, mid 90s. both verses had roughly the same melody.
Old McDonald sittin' on a fence
Eatin' his food with a monkey's wrench
Missed his food and hit his balls
Pissed all over his overalls
One potato, two potato, three potato, four
dick got stuck in an elevator door
weenie turned green and a lady screamed
and that was the end of my ding-a-ling
When I die bury me
Hang my balls in a cherry tree
When they ripen and start to fall
Send them off to city hall
NJ – early 70s
I remember back in '01 in Jackson, ms this is what I heard:
Old mcdonald sitting on a fence beating his meat with a monkey wrench accidently hit his balls, then he peed in his overalls, went to the lake to wash them off, the US Navy blew them off, went to the doctor and the doctor said, sorry son your balls are dead, if I die then let it be hang my balls on Christmas tree, and if they fall or if they break throw them in the nearest lake!
I have heard it as old macdonald sitting on a fence picking his balls with a monkey wrench the wrench got hot and burned his balls he peed all over niagara falls mama called the doctor and the doctor said "I'm sorry sir but your balls are dead" when I die burry me tie my balls to a cherry tree when there ripe take a bite but don't blame me if you barf all night
c. 1940 in the Toronto area my grandma sang a song to the same tune that likely inspired this song: Chinky chinky Chinaman sittin on a fence, tryin to make a dollar outa 15 cents!
So it seems sometime in the 50s or 60s some kids decided to merge this song, "Old MacDonald," and "When I was young I had no sense" and created "Old McDonald sitting on a fence."
From my own personal experience, mid 90s, Toronto area:
Old McDonald sittin on a fence,
pickin his balls with a monkey wrench.
The wrench got hot and burnt his balls,
he pissed all over Niagra Falls.
He went to the doctor, the doctor said:
"Oh my god your balls are dead!"
When I die you'll bury me,
and hang my balls from a cherry tree.
When their ripe you'll take a bite,
don't blame me if you barf all night!
My memory is faded and after reading the other posts, none of which had the word "you'll" I have began wondering if this was just my brain revising my memory to correct for the last few lines being slightly off in the syllables.
Old McDonald sitting on a bench
Picking his balls with a monkey wrench
Wrench got hot and burned his balls
Peed allover his overalls
Went to the doctor, doctor said
Old McDonald your balls are dead
Went back home and watched tv,
Saw his balls on channel three
When I die, bury me
Hang my balls from a cherry tree
When they’re ripe, take a bite
Don’t blame me if you barf all night.
old mcdonald sittin on a bench
pickin’ his balls with a monkey wrench
wrench got hot and burned his balls
peed all over his overalls
went into the kitchen a little too fast
stuck his dick up grandmas ass
grandma yelled e i o
get your dick outta my booty hole
he went to the river to wash it off
them damn old beavers bit it off
when I die bury me
hang my balls on a cherry tree
when their ripe
take a bite
don’t blame me if you fart all night
a slight variation that we’d sing in elementary school…
old mcdonald sittin on a bench
beatin his meat with a monkey wrench
missed his meat & hit his balls
pissed all over his overalls
ran in the kitchen oh so fast
sticked his dick in granny’s ass
granny said oh bless my soul
get your dick out of my asshole
Version I learned in Massachusetts circa 1980:
Old Macdonald sitting on a bench
Beating his meat with a monkey wrench
Missed his meat and hit his balls
Pissed all over his overalls
(Banjo interlude)
When I die they bury me
Hang my balls from a cherry tree
Take them down when they are ripe
Don’t blame me if you piss all night
My dad always used to sing the first couple lines after he’s had a few drinks. Was always so funny to me and my sister, but he could never remember the rest of the song.
Went like this:
Farmer Flogan sitting on a bench
Beating his meat with a monkey wrench
Missed his meat, hit his balls
And pissed all over his overalls