You know what? I couldn’t POSSIBLY tell you the third line of “On Top of Old Smokey,” let alone the second verse, and I would imagine that most other people my age or younger couldn’t, either. But everyone knows this:
On top of spaghetti
all covered with cheese
I lost my poor meatball
when somebody sneezed
it rolled out the table
it rolled down the floor
and last time I saw it
it went out the door.
I used to sing that to the tune of “Chariots of Fire.” It works.
Anyway, there are many more verses in some versions, but I don’t really believe this is a “kids song.” It was recorded by folk singer Tom Glazer back in 1963, and is pretty clearly an adult-written tune that was taught to kids. If kids had written it , it would have been dirtier or more violent.
For instance, here’s a version that’s been going around since at least 1972, according to Sherman (whose book is in the sidebar on the right):
On top of old smokey
all covered with blood
I shot my poor teacher
with a 44 slug
I went to her funeral
I went to her grave
everybody threw flowers
I threw a grenade
An alternate ending:
I shot her with pleasure,
I shot her with pride
I couldn’t have missed her
she was forty feet wide
The first line of that version is “On Top of Spaghetti” at least as often as it’s “On top of old smokey” nowadays. The parody has overtaken the original so thoroughly that I don’t think many kids even realize “On Top of Spaghetti” is a parody of anything.
A 1950s version collected by Sherman:
On top of old smokey,
all covered with snow
I saw Roy Rogers
screw Marilyn Monroe
He took off his pants and
hung them on a stick
she said oh you have
such a big (pause) horse.
He said “Oh gosh, ma’am
you sure do look pretty”
he laid down beside her
and played with her (pause) toes.
THe contributor to Sherman’s book couldn’t remember (or wouldn’t admit) a fourth verse, but knew there was one.
Which ones did YOU sing?
We had a third verse for the teacher song (London, ON, circa 1980-83) which went:
When I opened her coffin
She wasn't quite dead
So I took a bazooka
And blew off her head.
The cops came and got me
And put me in jail
The moment I got a chance
I sent them to hell
Made this up
I shot a poor angel
Up out of the sky
I tried to go get her
before she died
On the way to Get her
I trip and fell
Now you know
that’s why I’m in hell
I killed my dumb brother
With a Grenade
as soon as he saw it he sat and prayed it all blew up I saw him survive
I threw another one to make sure he died
At that moment I knew he’d be dead
Then he shot two arrows straight through my head
You know I probably would be dead
But I just set a grenade
And blew off his head
Our mum came our funerals
With no sadness at all
She grabbed a pistol And shot through her skull
There are dad came and saw us all dead
In his sadness he blew off his head
Here’s hips I learned it: On top of mt Everest all covered in blood. I pushed my friend Bobby he fell with a thud. I didn’t just push him I pushed him with pride. It wasn’t hard to miss him he was 50 ft wide. I went to his funeral and peed on his grave. Some people through flowers but I through grenades. I opened his coffin but he wasn’t quite dead so I took out my bazooka and shot off his head. The head rolled into a ditch and this is what it said: YOU SON OF A B****!!!
Same here!! Except it was in Alaska in the early 90’s. So funny how these things travel around.
Charlotte, NC, circa mid-1980s:
On top of old smokey
All covered with sand
I shot my poor teacher
with a red rubber band
I shot her with glory
I shot her with cheer
because she was drinking
my Budweiser beer
On top of a mountain
all covered with sand
I shot my poor teacher
with a red rubber band
I shot her with happiness
I shot her with pride
I couldn't have missed her,
she's forty feet wide
I went to her funeral
I went to her grave
When people threw flowers,
I threw a hand grenade.
It blew up the city
It blew up the town
It blew my poor teacher
Straight out of the ground.
SilverSpring80s's last verse was also sung by me, in Massachusetts in the 1990s.
on top of a mountain all covered with sand,
i shot my poor teacher with a red rubber band,
she rolled off the mountain and unto the ground, and then (something something i cant recall),
i went to her funeral,
i walked pass her grave,
some people threw flowers,
i threw hand grenades,
her body went up,
her body came down,
her body went splat,
all over the ground,
but to my great horror,
she wasnt quite dead,
so i took a bazooka,
and blasted her head.
On top of a mountain,
all covered in blood,
I shot poor 'ol Barney,
with a 44 slug.
But then big 'ol Barney,
just still wasn't dead.
So with a bazooka,
I shot of his head.
I heard this from one of my friends:
On top of the school bus,
All covered in blood,
I shot down poor Barney,
With a 44 slug.
I went to his funeral,
I went to his grave,
Everybody threw flowers,
I threw a grenade.
Then 20 years later,
He rose from the dead,
He cut off my finger,
So I cut off his head.
heard this one from a friend
on top of the mountain,
all covered in blood,
because i killed barney,
with my 44 slug
i went o his funeral,
and then to his grave,
instead of some flowers,
i threw a grenade
he woke up and chased me,
i thought he was dead,
so i got my bazooka, and blew of his head,
he rolled down the mountain,
and into a ditch
and right there he told me
you son of a *****
@ jorge, yea when i was in elementary school, we used to say that :/
except it differed a bit:
On top of spaghetti,
all covered with blood,
I shot poor barney,
with my 4 inch gun
I went to his funeral,
I went to his grave,
some people threw flowers,
but i threw a grenade
and then it ends with yours, but we stopped after we blew of his head…
Mine is basically the one in the original post, but ".44 slug" is changed to ".52 slug" (it does flow better to my ears although it's a nonexistent caliber) and the last verse is included:
On top of old smokey
all covered with blood
I shot my poor teacher
with a .52 slug
I went to her funeral
I went to her grave
Some people threw flowers
I threw a grenade
It blew up the city
It blew up the town
It blew my poor teacher
Right out of the ground
Source: Northern Virginia, early-to-mid '90s. The form invites improvised verses and I seem to remember there were several others. At the time the last verse struck me as an awfully abrupt ending so I had to make another one to wrap it up better… now that I'm not in third grade anymore it seems a bit better but the combination of the music and words seemed at the time that it just needed "more" there.
On top of a mountain all covered in snow
There is someone
I shot five minutes ago.
I shot her with pleasure
I shot her with pride
I couldn’t have missed her
She was forty foot wide
I went to her funeral
Her body was laid
Some people threw flowers
I threw a grenade.
Her body went up
Her body went down
Some people were laughing
Some people were sad
Her mother was crying
But inside she was glad
On top of a mountain all covered in grass
There was a bald eagle who was scratching his….
Don’t be mistaken
Don’t be misled
There sat a bald eagle stratching his head.
On top of old smokey
all covered with blood
I shot my poor teacher
with a 44 slug
the very next morning
she wasn't quite dead
I pulled out my bazooka
and blew of her head
I went to her building
her daughter was home
so I fucked her all over Rome
on top of spaghetti
all covered in blood,
i shot my poor teacher,
with a 44 slug
i went to her funeral,
and then to her grave,
instead of some flowers,
i threw a grenade
she woke up and chased me,
i thought she was dead,
so i got my bazooka,
and blew of her head
On top of Ol' Smokey all bloody and red
I hit my poor teacher with a sackful of lead.
I went to her casket, she still wasn't dead,
so I took my bazooka and blew off her head.
I went to her funeral, I went to her grave,
Instead of throwing flowers, I threw a grenade.
Georgia, early 2000's
on top of old smokey all covered in blood
there was an apche face down in the mud
a knife in his belly an axe in his head
i took it for granted the apache was dead
on top of old smokey all covered in grass
there was a bald eagle scratching his…
don't be mistaken, don't be mislead
for the bald eagle was scratching his head
in the boy scouts, uk in the early 90's
(as well as the red rubber band one about the teacher)
Made this up my self on 10/23/2011
on top of the mountain,
all covered in blood,
i killed a black Nigger,
with my 44 slug
i went to his funeral,
and pissed on his grave,
instead of some flowers,
i threw a grenade
he woke up and chased me,
i thought he was dead,
so i got my bazooka, and blew of his head,
he rolled down the mountain,
and into a ditch
and right there he told me
you son of a *****
Really? This post should be taken down. Bigot!
I learned this one:
On top of old Smokey
all covered with sand
I shot Dear Old Barney
with a red rubber band.
When I got to the bottom
he wasn't quite dead
so I took a bazooka
and I blew off his head.
I went to his funeral
I peed on his grave
some people threw flowers
I threw a grenade.
It blew up the city
it blew up the town
it blew Dear Old Barney
right out of the ground.
Cincinnati, OH, 2010
That’s the one I learned! It would have been around 2005 in Jefferson City MO
On top of old Smokey
All covered in Blood
I shot my poor teacher
with a forty foot slug
I went to her funeral
I went to her grave
some people threw flowers
I threw a gernade
I went to her coffin
she still wasn't dead
so I took a bazooka
and blew off her head
[Blue Springs, MO – mid to late 80's]
we then continued to make up lines about still not being dead yet – for example…
But she still wasn't dead yet
so I got out my sword
I sliced off her panties
And nailed it to a board.
But she still wasn't dead yet
so I got in my Ford
I drove that poor pickup
right up her rear drawers
But she still wasn't dead yet
so I got in my Jet
I shot the machine guns
until nothing was left
But she still wasn't dead yet
so I got out my flame thrower
I started laying Napalm
and blew up that whore
…
A minor varient from Feilding, New Zealand, around 1979
On top of Old Smokey
All covered with blood
I shot my 'poor' teacher
with a 40-foot slug
I shot her with pleasure
I shot her with pride
I did it quite easily
She's forty feet wide
I went to her funeral
I spat on her grave
Some people threw flowers
I threw a grenade
On Top of Old Smokey
all covered in blood
I found my true lover
her face in the mud
A knife in her stomach
an axe in her head
I got the impression
My true love was dead
This was sung in Ontario, Canada, 2011 by me and my 7th-Grade friends:
On top of spaghetti(I know it makes no sense)
All covered in blood
I massacred Barney
With a .42 stud
I went to his funeral
I went to his grave
Some people threw flowers
I threw a grenade
I looked in the casket
He wasn't quite dead
So I swiped a bazooka
And blew off his head
He rolled down the hillside
And into a ditch
His very last words were
"You son of a ***!"
on top of old smokey all covered with blood i shot my dear sister with a 44:slug i went to her funeral i went to her grave Some people threw flowers
I threw a grenade the cops came to get me and throw me in jail i got my bazooka and sent them all to hell
This comment has been removed by the author.
This comment has been removed by the author.
on top of the school bus
all covered in blood
i shoot barny
with a 44 slug
i went his funarul
i went to his grave
evrybody throw flowers i throw a grenade
i shoot him with pleasure
i shoot him with pride
50 years later
he didnt look quit dead
i took my bouzuca shoot his head
there is no more barney for another year
Never heard this Barney one. Onlly Barney I know is;
I hate you
You hate me
I shot Barney's family
With an M16 and a bullet through his head
Aren't you glad that Barney's dead!
top of ol smokey all covered in blood i shot that fat barny with a valcan minigun i read in the newspaper that he was not dead i went to his grave site and blew off his head i went to his funeral i went to his grave some people threw flowers while i threw granades
For what it's worth, "on top of spaghetti' was a novelty song by Tom Glazer in the 1960's. The variations, however, are (as best I can tell) playground variations.
The version I grew up with (Ventura, CA: late 70's early 80's' was as follows:
On top of old smokey,
All covered with sand
I shot my poor teacher,
with a red rubber band.
I went to her funeral.
I went to her grave.
Instead of dropping flowers.
I threw a hand grenade.
I had no idea that anyone named Mr. Glazer published it in 1963, because I clearly remember singing it before that. So maybe his particular version, with the rimes of "bush" with "mush," came out in 1963, but our version was not that tame
.
The first two verses seem standard "on top of spaghetti. . . rolled out the door." What I am struggling with is the version of what happened to the meatball that we would sing, but the last line was always "and I honor my meatball on Memorial Day."
Hilarious. All of them! This is the version we sang in school:
On top of Ol' Smokey,
all covered in sand
I shot my poor teacher
with a red rubber band.
I did it with pleasure,
I did it with pride.
I couldn't have missed her;
she was forty feet wide.
I went to her funeral;
I went to her grave.
Everyone threw flowers;
I threw a grenade.
The police came and got me
and threw me in jail.
I got a machine gun,
and blew them to hell.
on top of a school bus
all covered in sand
i shot poor barney
with a red rubber band
i shot him with courage
i shot him with pride
i shot poor barney
right in his left eye
i went to his funeral
i went to his grave
i didn't bring flowers
i bought a grenade
i blew up the city
i blew up the town
i blew up poor barney
right out of the ground
On top of Old Smokey
All covered with blood
I shot my 'poor' teacher
with a 40-foot slug
I went to her funeral
I spat on her grave
Some people threw flowers
I threw a grenade
She chased me through heaven
She chased me through hell
Then i saw the devil and shot him aswell
On top of Old Smokey
All covered with blood
I shot my 'poor' teacher
with a 40-foot slug
I went to her funeral
I spat on her grave
Some people threw flowers
I threw a grenade
I opened her coffin
she still wasn't dead
so i took a boozka
and blew off the head
She chased me through heaven
She chased me through hell
Then i saw the devil and shot him aswell
Auckland, New Zealand… circa 1982
On top of old Smokey
All covered in sand
I shot my poor teacher
With a red rubber band
I shot her with pleasure
I shot her with pride
I couldn't have missed her
She was forty feet wide
I went to her funeral
It was a parade
When everyone threw flowers
I threw a grenade
I saw her go to Pluto
I saw her go to Mars
She's still got that old habit
Of smoking cigars
After seeing all the other variations, I have come to the conclusion that the version I heard in California, late 1960s is also a schoolyard fabrication. I still don't see any other posts with the lyrics I remember hearing and always thought were original which are:
On top of Old Smokey, all covered in snow,
I lost my poor sweet heart, in 40 below…
New Zealand, early 1980's
On top of old smokey
All covered in cheese
I shot my poor teacher
With a red rubberband
I couldnt've missed her
She was 40 foot wide
I shot her with pleasure
I shot her with pride
I went to her funeral
I went to her grave
Some people threw flowers
I threw a grenade
Her body went up
Her body went down
Her body went splat
All over the ground
Australia, early '70s:
On top of Old Smokey,
all covered in blood,
I saw my teacher
stuck in the mud.
A knife in her stomach,
an axe in her head,
I came to the conclusion
my teacher was dead.
I didn't go to her funeral,
I didn't go to her grave,
I didn't give her any flowers,
just an old hand grenade.
On top of old Smokey
All covered with sand
I shot my poor teacher
With a green rubberband.
I shot her with pleasure
I shot her with pride
I couldn't have missed her
She was 40 feet wide
Then all of a sudden
I heard a kaboom
And my poor teacher
Was all over the room
Her head in the trash can
Her ear in the fan
But there was no sign
Of my green rubber band.
Oklahome late 70's / early 80's
On top of Mount Diablo all covered in blood
I shot poor Elmo with a machine gun
I went to his funeral, I went to his grave.
Some people threw flowers, I threw a grenade.
It blew up the city it blew up the town.
It blew poor Elmo right out of the ground.
In 1,000,000 years later, he ruled the grave. So I blew off his head with a big laser bergade.
1997 England, London age 10
I climbed up a mountain
I climbed up a tree
I saw John major
And blew off his knees
I went to his funeral
I went to his grave
The others threw flowers
I threw a grenade
it blew up the city
It blew up the town
It blew John major
Right out of the ground
20 years later
He still wasn't dead
So I got a bazooka
And blew off his head
On top of a mountain
All covered with blood,
I shot my friend Barney
With my 44 slug.
I heard in the news one day
That he wasnt quite dead,
So I bought a bazooka
And blew off his head
I went to his funeral
And drank lemonade
I saw people throw flowers
So I threw a grenade.
He came back to haunt me
In my house every night
So I killed myself also
And went into the light.
But then I remembered
I murdered Barney
So I was put in a hell that
Was made just for me.
On top of old smokey
All covered with lead
I shot my old teacher
And blew off her head
It rolled down the mountain
And into a ditch
I shot my old teacher
Cause she was a bitch
NY, 1990's
I think this is the best version:
On top of a mountain
All covered with sand
I shot (name of someone you hate)
With a big rubber band.
I shot it with courage
I shot it with pride
How could I miss him?
He was 50 feet wide.
I went to his funeral
I went to his grave
Some people threw flowers
I threw a grenade.
50 years later
He rose from the dead
I got my bazooka
And shot off his head.
It rolled down the highway
And into the sea
The sharks were happy
And they drank (name) tea!
Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot to say where I heard it. This goes with the previous post (the one that says "I think this is the best version)
New Jersey, mid 2000s
This is one I made up, it's based of real events and is about my brother's cub scout leader. Just as a note 'Mount Fuji' is a mountain in Japan and a 'Fuji stick' is just a basically a walking stick that you can get at mount Fuji.
On top of Mount Fuji,
all covered in fog,
My scout leader broke his poor fuji stick
On a big old log
he did a ninja move
it was really cool
but when he was finished
he felt like a fool
he had broken his fuji stick
as broken could be
he had broken his fuji stick
so sad was he
so if you have fuji sticks
that you love so dear
hold on to them tightly
when Mathew comes near
Hello, this is fastidious post I actually loved reading this.
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The one I would sing is:
On top of old smokey
sat (name) and me
I got my bazooka
and shot off his/her knee
we went to the doctor
he said he/she wasn't dead
so I got my bazooka
and shot off his/her head
I went to his/her funeral
I went to his/her grave
some people threw flowers
I threw a grenade
On top is a school bus
All covered in cheese
I shot my poor teacher
Between the knees
My teacher went up
Up up up up
My teacher send down
Down Dow down down
My teacher went splat
All over the ground
I went to her funeral
I went to her grave
People threw flowers
I threw a grenade
My teacher went up
Up up up up
My teacher send down
Down Dow down down
My teacher went splat
All over the ground
England/Great Britain, at least since late 90s
On top of Ol' Smokey
All covered in soot
There was a bald eagle
He was scratching his foot.
On top of Ol' Smokey
All covered in grass
That same bald eagle
Was scratching his —
Oh no don't get excited
Now don't be misled
Because that bald eagle
Was scratching his head.
Might be a mockery of America, I don't know. It's been around at least as long as I'm alive (I'm 15).
I always sung
On top of a mountain, all covered in blood
I shot my poor barney, with 62 guns
I went to his funeral, I went to his grave
Some people threw flowers
I threw a grenade
All demented and scary
he rose from the dead
so i blew his dang head off
with big rpgs
on top of the school bus,
all covered with blood,
I shot my friend Barney,
with 500 guns.
I went to his funereal,
I went to his grave,
some people threw flowers,
I threw a grenade,
I dug out his coffin,
right out of the ground,
I opened his coffin,
and here's what I found,
My old friend Barney,
wasn't quite dead,
so I took my bazooka,
and shot off his head,
it rolled down a mountain,
and into a ditch,
and right there he said to me,
you son of a *****
I am in 6th grade and here is the Colorado version.
Somehow I missed the "kill teacher" version of this one, just the meatball.
On top of spaghetti all covered with cheese
I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed
It rolled off the table and onto the floor
and then my poor meatball it rolled out the door
It rolled cross the sidewalk and under a bush
and then my poor meatball was nothing but moosh
The moosh was as tasty as tasty could be
and then my poor meatball turned into a tree
With us, the final line was:
Too bad that a doggie had pissed on that tree.
Hmm sesame street sang that last line “and by next summer it grew into a tree” but whatever i’ve repressed all the memories of the SS version
This comment has been removed by the author.
On top of old smokey
All covered with sand
I shot my poor teacher
With a big rubber band
I shot her with pleasure
I shot her with pride
I couldn't have missed her
She was 40 feet wide
I went to her funeral
I wept at her grave
Some people threw flowers
I threw a grenade
I opened her coffin
She wasn't quite dead
So I took out a bazooka
And blew off her head
The ending I remember is:
The girls threw flower
The boys threw grenades
On top of the school bus,
Covered in cheese,
I shot Barney,
With an M16,
I went to the graveyard,
To spit on his grave,
They're throwing flowers,
I'm throwing grenades,
Six years later,
He came back to life,
So I stabbed him,
In the face with my knife.
October 2014
I enjoyed your entries on Toxic Words – such great thoughts and a wonderful reminder to watch the words I use – to be positive and kind and use words to build up rather than tear down.
This post has helped me for an article which I am writing. Thank you for giving me another point of view on this topic. Now I can easily complete my article. Cheers
Pre Marriage Courses
Couldn't be written any better. Reading this post reminds me of my old room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thanks for sharing!
composieten keukenwerkbladen
We sang this song in California (San Gabriel Valley) when I was a kid, attending elementary school during the early 80s. I had a discussion with my nine-year-old about how awful some of the songs we learned then were. This one would definitely be considered a terrorist threat by today's standards.And while we sang others that were openly bigoted and sexually inappropriate, this one takes the cake with its violent musings.
I hate you
you hate me
lets get together and kill Barney
With a big fat rope tied around his neck
the big purple dork ain't coming back
I made up an ending for it since i hadn't heard one myself.
on top of Ol' Smokey
all covered in blood
I shot my poor teacher with a .44 Slug
I went to her funeral i went to her grave
most people threw flowers
I threw a grenade
If you don't like it
Here's what I'll do
What I did for teacher
I'll do for you
I hear my mother singing this but I totally forgot what the ending was.
–
On top of old smokey.
All covered in sand.
I shot my poor teacher.
With a green rubber band.
–
I went to her funeral.
And danced on her grave.
Instead of bringing flowers.
I threw a grenade.
–
(And that’s where it goes blank)
[Where I can’t remember]
On Top Of The Smokey
All covered with flour
I saw a naked lady singing in my shower
I went to my room
I got my guns
I shot the poor lady
Right in the buns
As a kid this was my short hairy version
I seriously forgot where I heard this one but I know I heard it somewhere.
On top of spaghetti all covered with blood
I shot my teacher with a red BB gun
I shot her head off, I watched as she died
How could I miss her? She’s forty feet wide
I went to her funeral, I went to her grave
When the people threw flowers, I threw a grenade
I blew up her tombstone, I blew up her house
So that’s why school is permanently out
From my Arizona schoolyards was similar to that of Sherman’s:
On top of Old Smokey
Where nobody goes,
I saw Annie Oakley
Without any clothes.
Along came Gene Autry
And took off his vest.
But when he saw Annie,
He took off the rest.
The other one, the spaghetti version, I remember hearing a variant of that from a kid somewhere. It started out normally (rhyming cheese with sneezed), and then it goes on like this:
I said to that someone
“Why did you sneeze?”
He answered my question
“I have allergies.”
“You ruined my spaghetti!”
“Now I can’t eat it!”
“It’s covered in boogers!”
He said “forget it”.
I grabbed him by the throat
And swung him out the door
His last words were
“FUCK!”
Then I went to my school
And shot the teacher
The kids were all happy
That she was dead forever
I killed the principal
And the crossing guard too
So now me and my classmates
We rule the school
I hated my teacher
She tortured the kids
I’m glad she’s dead now
Because she was such a BITCH!!!
On top of Old Smokey
All covered with blood,
I saw my poor teacher
With her face in the mud.
A knife in her back,
An axe in her head,
I came to the conclusion,
My teacher was dead.
(the rest was the same as above.)
On top of an ice
all covered in blood
I shot poor barney
with my 44 guns
I went to the hospital
he wasn’t quite dead
I pulled out my bazooka
and blew up his head
I went to his funeral
I went to his grave
everyone threw flowers
but I threw a grenade
it blew up the city
it blew up the town
it blew up poor barney
right out of the ground.
(New York, mid 2000s)
On top of a school bus,
All covered in blood,
I shot my poor teacher,
With a machine gun.
I went to her funeral,
I went to her grave,
Some people threw flowers,
But I threw grenades.
I opened her coffin,
She wasn’t quite dead,
So I took a bazooka,
And shot off her head!
California, 1979
On top of Old Smokey,
All covered with blood,
I killed my poor teacher,
with cigarette butts,
I went to her funeral,
I went to her grave,
Some people threw flowers,
but I threw grenades,
They found me and shot me,
Until I was dead,
Too bad the new teacher,
was shot through the head!
New Zealand, late 90s:
On top of Mount Everest
All covered in snow
I shot my teacher
With only one blow
I shot her with pleasure
I shot her with pride
I couldn’t quite miss her
She’s 4 metres wide
I went to her funeral
I went to her grave
Some people threw flowers
I threw a grenade
Her coffin went up
Her coffin went down
Her coffin went splat
All over the ground
I looked in her coffin
She still wasn’t dead
So I got my bazooka
And shot off her head
I met her in heaven
I met her in hell
The devil got mad so
I shot him as well
Also a complete nonsense version went around my school which didn’t rhyme but we all found amusing:
On top of a hill
All covered in grass
I shot a tree
It landed on my teacher’s ass
I shot it with pleasure
I shot it with pride
I couldn’t quite miss it
It was four million feet wide
The tree went to her funeral
The tree went to her grave
Some people threw flowers
The tree just threw grass
The tree looked in her coffin
She still wasn’t dead
So it got a knife and fork
And took over the world
Here is what I sang as a kid…(and I still sing it occasionally haha)
On top of Spaghetti, all covered in cheese,
I lost my poor meatball
When somebody sneezed
It rolled off the table
It rolled on the floor
And then my poor meatball
It rolled out the door
It went through the garden
It rolled in a bush
And now my poor meatball
Is nothing but mush
Edmonton, Alberta, 1980s:
On top of the schoolyard
All covered in sand
I shot my poor teacher
With a red rubber band
I shot her with pleasure
I shot her with pride
How could I have missed her
She was 40 feet wide
I went to her funeral
I went to her grave
Some people threw flowers
I threw a grenade
I checked in her coffin
And she wasn’t quite dead
So I took a bazooka
And blew off her head
Her head went a-flying
Into deep outer space
And all the poor Martians
Died of disgrace
My version when I was 7. (I’m 8 but almost 9) .
On top of old Oinky
All covered with muck
I went and flipped elmo
Then flipped elmo’s ducks
I got a plastic (rubber) spatula
He got flipped upside down
I can’t wait to see barney
Get all flipped around
Didn’t get it from stores
Where I got it you’ll see
I took it from sponge bob
When I watched YTV
Here comes big old barney
Walk onto the mat
I got out my spatulas
And flipped over his ….. (It makes people think you’re going to say “hat”)
He cannot walk now
He only can waddl
I got out my spatulas
And flipped over his bottle*
Now how could this day get any flippier
Because Dora just came here
Dressed as a tippier
I said “come on dora, let’s go on a trip”
Then I pulled out a (brand of spatula)
And gave her 18 flips
Her big backpack landed in the zoo’s owldome
And out came her sister
Who she tried to take home
I went back to my house
But look, by the wall!
I know who that is
That’s a barbie doll
I took a ping pong paddl
And made her go flipping
She fell in a ball pit
But she land in a deep end .
* bottle flip challenge
I still watch YTV. SpongeBob has a spatula. To make krabby patties.
This is what I learned from my Mum, which she learned circa late 50s in South Australia.
On top of Mt Barker, all covered in sand
I shot my poor teacher, with a green rubber band.
I shot her with courage, I shot her with pride,
I couldnt have missed her, she was 40 ft wide.
I went to her funeral, I went to her grave.
Some people threw flowers, I threw a grenade.
Her body went up, her body went down,
Her body went phftt all over the ground.
In the 1960s in Kansas we would use Old Smokey and sometimes Old Spaghetti but the next line was:
I shot Mr. Kruschev with a red rubber band,
Atop Mt. Spaghetti, all covered in blood
I shot Mr. Newman with a .44 slug
I went to the funeral, walked right to his grave
I didn’t throw flowers. I THREW A GRENADE!
(6th grade, 1960s)
On top of a small hill all covered in mud
I blew up my teacher and sent her to the sun
Her body went upwards, her body went down
Her body went “SPLAT!” when it touched the ground
We went to her funeral, we went to her grave
As the people threw flowers, we threw a grenade
I checked in her coffin and she wasn’t quite dead
I took a machine gun and shot off her head
(2010s)
I learned this one on a camping trip in high school.
On top of Mt. Fuji, all covered in snow
I threw myself off the summit to the ground below
I bounced back up, I fell back down
But nobody heard me make at least one sound
I went to Kyoto, I went to Honshu
I brought back this paper fan to give to you
I saw Hello Kitty walking across the street
She was wearing moon boots, so she got swept off her feet
Princess Kaguya visited too
She came with her rabbits and went back to the moon
So if you visit Mt. Fuji, all covered in snow
You better hold on tight, you’re in for one show!
This is a shorter version I heard form somewhere:
On top of a mountain on top of a roof, I picked up a sniper and aimed it at you. I went to your funeral, I went to your grave, some people threw flowers I threw a grenade.
Boston Area Marshfield Mass on the school bus chiefly during the run up to summer break in the 70’s.
On top of Spaghetti all covered with cheese
I shot my poor teacher when somebody sneezed
I went to her funeral, I went to her grave
Instead of throwing flowers, I through a grenade.
Such a song these days would very likely draw attention…
Our grade had to sing this variant in freshman year (2002).
On top of my pizza
All covered with sauce
Could not find the mushrooms
I think they got lost
I looked in the closet
I looked in the sink
I looked in the cup that
Held my cola drink
I looked in the saucepan
Right under the lid
No matter where I looked
Those mushrooms stayed hid
Next time you make pizza
I’m begging you, please
Do not give me mushrooms
But just plain old cheese
Here’s my version:
On top of old smokey
All covered with cum
I killed my poor girlfriend
By using my gun
I went to her funeral
I looked at her grave
While people threw flowers
I threw a grenade
It blew up the graveyard
And blew up the city
And everyone’s dying
Oh isn’t that pretty?
And 30 years later
Her dad came to me
And angrily ranted
About my bad deed
I can’t bear much longer
And the next thing you see
I grabbed a six-shooter
And shot him in the knees
He had a reaction
And collapsed to the floor
And all of this drama
Is finally o’er
On top of a mountain all covered in mud
I shot my poor teacher with a .44 slug
She fell off the mountain and into a ditch
And that’s when she told me “you son of a bitch”
(Harlem, NY 1999)
On top of a small hill all covered with mud
I shot Barney’s head off and blew out his blood
I did it with pleasure, I did it with pride
I shot Barney’s head off and watched as he died
I went to the funeral to see Barney dead
He looked much less uglier without any head
I saw a sponge minion crying by his grave
I took a machine gun and shot Barney’s slave
(Harlem, NY 1994)
Both were sung to Chariots of Fire and the second one was taught to me by my neighbor who learned it from an anti-Barney newsgroup.
We sang the Barney version, but had this as the final verse:
Ten million years later
I stopped by his house
I chopped off his head with
A rubber toy mouse
In Grade 4 I really didn’t like Taylor Swift (I still don’t like her now) so I made up this song in grade 4 and sang it with my sister named Flamingo. I’m One Direction’s biggest fan though. The song goes like this….
One Direction is awesome
Taylor Swift is not
She isn’t potty trained
She can’t use the pot!
I went to her concert
She sang “22′ (that’s a TS song)
Everybody threw flowers
I threw a papadoo!
A papadoo is a toy pyramid-shaped mud ball that blows up and mud splashes everywhere. It was popular when we were in Grade 4.