On Top of Old Smokey parodies

You know what? I couldn’t POSSIBLY tell you the third line of “On Top of Old Smokey,” let alone the second verse, and I would imagine that most other people my age or younger couldn’t, either. But everyone knows this:

On top of spaghetti
all covered with cheese
I lost my poor meatball
when somebody sneezed
it rolled out the table
it rolled down the floor
and last time I saw it
it went out the door.

I used to sing that to the tune of “Chariots of Fire.” It works.

Anyway, there are many more verses in some versions, but I don’t really believe this is a “kids song.” It was recorded by folk singer Tom Glazer back in 1963, and is pretty clearly an adult-written tune that was taught to kids. If kids had written it , it would have been dirtier or more violent.

For instance, here’s a version that’s been going around since at least 1972, according to Sherman (whose book is in the sidebar on the right):

On top of old smokey
all covered with blood
I shot my poor teacher
with a 44 slug
I went to her funeral
I went to her grave
everybody threw flowers
I threw a grenade

An alternate ending:
I shot her with pleasure,
I shot her with pride
I couldn’t have missed her
she was forty feet wide

The first line of that version is “On Top of Spaghetti” at least as often as it’s “On top of old smokey” nowadays. The parody has overtaken the original so thoroughly that I don’t think many kids even realize “On Top of Spaghetti” is a parody of anything.

A 1950s version collected by Sherman:

On top of old smokey,
all covered with snow
I saw Roy Rogers
screw Marilyn Monroe

He took off his pants and
hung them on a stick
she said oh you have
such a big (pause) horse.

He said “Oh gosh, ma’am
you sure do look pretty”
he laid down beside her
and played with her (pause) toes.

THe contributor to Sherman’s book couldn’t remember (or wouldn’t admit) a fourth verse, but knew there was one.

Which ones did YOU sing?

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84 Comments

  1. Merav Hoffman

    We had a third verse for the teacher song (London, ON, circa 1980-83) which went:

    When I opened her coffin
    She wasn't quite dead
    So I took a bazooka
    And blew off her head.

    Reply
    1. rhumple

      The cops came and got me
      And put me in jail
      The moment I got a chance
      I sent them to hell

      Reply
      1. Aubree

        Made this up
        I shot a poor angel
        Up out of the sky
        I tried to go get her
        before she died
        On the way to Get her
        I trip and fell
        Now you know
        that’s why I’m in hell

        Reply
        1. Aubree

          I killed my dumb brother
          With a Grenade
          as soon as he saw it he sat and prayed it all blew up I saw him survive
          I threw another one to make sure he died
          At that moment I knew he’d be dead
          Then he shot two arrows straight through my head
          You know I probably would be dead
          But I just set a grenade
          And blew off his head
          Our mum came our funerals
          With no sadness at all
          She grabbed a pistol And shot through her skull
          There are dad came and saw us all dead
          In his sadness he blew off his head

          Reply
  2. michaelgsmith

    Charlotte, NC, circa mid-1980s:

    On top of old smokey
    All covered with sand
    I shot my poor teacher
    with a red rubber band

    I shot her with glory
    I shot her with cheer
    because she was drinking
    my Budweiser beer

    Reply
  3. SilverSpring80s

    On top of a mountain
    all covered with sand
    I shot my poor teacher
    with a red rubber band

    I shot her with happiness
    I shot her with pride
    I couldn't have missed her,
    she's forty feet wide

    I went to her funeral
    I went to her grave
    When people threw flowers,
    I threw a hand grenade.

    It blew up the city
    It blew up the town
    It blew my poor teacher
    Straight out of the ground.

    Reply
  4. Avery

    SilverSpring80s's last verse was also sung by me, in Massachusetts in the 1990s.

    Reply
  5. jessie

    on top of a mountain all covered with sand,
    i shot my poor teacher with a red rubber band,
    she rolled off the mountain and unto the ground, and then (something something i cant recall),

    i went to her funeral,
    i walked pass her grave,
    some people threw flowers,
    i threw hand grenades,

    her body went up,
    her body came down,
    her body went splat,
    all over the ground,

    but to my great horror,
    she wasnt quite dead,
    so i took a bazooka,
    and blasted her head.

    Reply
  6. Taehan

    On top of a mountain,
    all covered in blood,
    I shot poor 'ol Barney,
    with a 44 slug.

    But then big 'ol Barney,
    just still wasn't dead.
    So with a bazooka,
    I shot of his head.

    Reply
  7. Carly

    I heard this from one of my friends:

    On top of the school bus,
    All covered in blood,
    I shot down poor Barney,
    With a 44 slug.

    I went to his funeral,
    I went to his grave,
    Everybody threw flowers,
    I threw a grenade.

    Then 20 years later,
    He rose from the dead,
    He cut off my finger,
    So I cut off his head.

    Reply
  8. jorge

    heard this one from a friend

    on top of the mountain,
    all covered in blood,
    because i killed barney,
    with my 44 slug
    i went o his funeral,
    and then to his grave,
    instead of some flowers,
    i threw a grenade
    he woke up and chased me,
    i thought he was dead,
    so i got my bazooka, and blew of his head,
    he rolled down the mountain,
    and into a ditch
    and right there he told me
    you son of a *****

    Reply
  9. Nenaptio

    @ jorge, yea when i was in elementary school, we used to say that :/

    except it differed a bit:

    On top of spaghetti,
    all covered with blood,
    I shot poor barney,
    with my 4 inch gun
    I went to his funeral,
    I went to his grave,
    some people threw flowers,
    but i threw a grenade

    and then it ends with yours, but we stopped after we blew of his head…

    Reply
  10. Anonymous

    Mine is basically the one in the original post, but ".44 slug" is changed to ".52 slug" (it does flow better to my ears although it's a nonexistent caliber) and the last verse is included:

    On top of old smokey
    all covered with blood
    I shot my poor teacher
    with a .52 slug

    I went to her funeral
    I went to her grave
    Some people threw flowers
    I threw a grenade

    It blew up the city
    It blew up the town
    It blew my poor teacher
    Right out of the ground

    Source: Northern Virginia, early-to-mid '90s. The form invites improvised verses and I seem to remember there were several others. At the time the last verse struck me as an awfully abrupt ending so I had to make another one to wrap it up better… now that I'm not in third grade anymore it seems a bit better but the combination of the music and words seemed at the time that it just needed "more" there.

    Reply
  11. Millie

    On top of a mountain all covered in snow
    There is someone
    I shot five minutes ago.
    I shot her with pleasure
    I shot her with pride
    I couldn’t have missed her
    She was forty foot wide
    I went to her funeral
    Her body was laid
    Some people threw flowers
    I threw a grenade.
    Her body went up
    Her body went down
    Some people were laughing
    Some people were sad
    Her mother was crying
    But inside she was glad
    On top of a mountain all covered in grass
    There was a bald eagle who was scratching his….
    Don’t be mistaken
    Don’t be misled
    There sat a bald eagle stratching his head.

    Reply
  12. Anonymous

    On top of old smokey
    all covered with blood
    I shot my poor teacher
    with a 44 slug
    the very next morning
    she wasn't quite dead
    I pulled out my bazooka
    and blew of her head
    I went to her building
    her daughter was home
    so I fucked her all over Rome

    Reply
  13. Jeff

    on top of spaghetti
    all covered in blood,
    i shot my poor teacher,
    with a 44 slug
    i went to her funeral,
    and then to her grave,
    instead of some flowers,
    i threw a grenade
    she woke up and chased me,
    i thought she was dead,
    so i got my bazooka,
    and blew of her head

    Reply
  14. Anonymous

    On top of Ol' Smokey all bloody and red
    I hit my poor teacher with a sackful of lead.
    I went to her casket, she still wasn't dead,
    so I took my bazooka and blew off her head.
    I went to her funeral, I went to her grave,
    Instead of throwing flowers, I threw a grenade.

    Georgia, early 2000's

    Reply
  15. Anonymous

    on top of old smokey all covered in blood
    there was an apche face down in the mud
    a knife in his belly an axe in his head
    i took it for granted the apache was dead

    on top of old smokey all covered in grass
    there was a bald eagle scratching his…
    don't be mistaken, don't be mislead
    for the bald eagle was scratching his head

    in the boy scouts, uk in the early 90's

    (as well as the red rubber band one about the teacher)

    Reply
  16. Anonymous

    Made this up my self on 10/23/2011

    on top of the mountain,
    all covered in blood,
    i killed a black Nigger,
    with my 44 slug
    i went to his funeral,
    and pissed on his grave,
    instead of some flowers,
    i threw a grenade
    he woke up and chased me,
    i thought he was dead,
    so i got my bazooka, and blew of his head,
    he rolled down the mountain,
    and into a ditch
    and right there he told me
    you son of a *****

    Reply
  17. Celeste

    I learned this one:

    On top of old Smokey
    all covered with sand
    I shot Dear Old Barney
    with a red rubber band.

    When I got to the bottom
    he wasn't quite dead
    so I took a bazooka
    and I blew off his head.

    I went to his funeral
    I peed on his grave
    some people threw flowers
    I threw a grenade.

    It blew up the city
    it blew up the town
    it blew Dear Old Barney
    right out of the ground.

    Cincinnati, OH, 2010

    Reply
  18. JR

    On top of old Smokey
    All covered in Blood
    I shot my poor teacher
    with a forty foot slug

    I went to her funeral
    I went to her grave
    some people threw flowers
    I threw a gernade

    I went to her coffin
    she still wasn't dead
    so I took a bazooka
    and blew off her head

    [Blue Springs, MO – mid to late 80's]

    we then continued to make up lines about still not being dead yet – for example…

    But she still wasn't dead yet
    so I got out my sword
    I sliced off her panties
    And nailed it to a board.

    But she still wasn't dead yet
    so I got in my Ford
    I drove that poor pickup
    right up her rear drawers

    But she still wasn't dead yet
    so I got in my Jet
    I shot the machine guns
    until nothing was left

    But she still wasn't dead yet
    so I got out my flame thrower
    I started laying Napalm
    and blew up that whore

    Reply
  19. Anonymous

    A minor varient from Feilding, New Zealand, around 1979

    On top of Old Smokey
    All covered with blood
    I shot my 'poor' teacher
    with a 40-foot slug

    I shot her with pleasure
    I shot her with pride
    I did it quite easily
    She's forty feet wide

    I went to her funeral
    I spat on her grave
    Some people threw flowers
    I threw a grenade

    Reply
  20. Tim Howe

    On Top of Old Smokey
    all covered in blood
    I found my true lover
    her face in the mud

    A knife in her stomach
    an axe in her head
    I got the impression
    My true love was dead

    Reply
  21. Anonymous

    This was sung in Ontario, Canada, 2011 by me and my 7th-Grade friends:
    On top of spaghetti(I know it makes no sense)
    All covered in blood
    I massacred Barney
    With a .42 stud
    I went to his funeral
    I went to his grave
    Some people threw flowers
    I threw a grenade
    I looked in the casket
    He wasn't quite dead
    So I swiped a bazooka
    And blew off his head
    He rolled down the hillside
    And into a ditch
    His very last words were
    "You son of a ***!"

    Reply
  22. Anonymous

    on top of old smokey all covered with blood i shot my dear sister with a 44:slug i went to her funeral i went to her grave Some people threw flowers
    I threw a grenade the cops came to get me and throw me in jail i got my bazooka and sent them all to hell

    Reply
  23. NarqFyst

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    Reply
  24. NarqFyst

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    Reply
  25. Anonymous

    on top of the school bus
    all covered in blood
    i shoot barny
    with a 44 slug
    i went his funarul
    i went to his grave
    evrybody throw flowers i throw a grenade
    i shoot him with pleasure
    i shoot him with pride
    50 years later
    he didnt look quit dead
    i took my bouzuca shoot his head
    there is no more barney for another year

    Reply
  26. Anonymous

    Never heard this Barney one. Onlly Barney I know is;
    I hate you
    You hate me
    I shot Barney's family
    With an M16 and a bullet through his head
    Aren't you glad that Barney's dead!

    Reply
  27. Anonymous

    top of ol smokey all covered in blood i shot that fat barny with a valcan minigun i read in the newspaper that he was not dead i went to his grave site and blew off his head i went to his funeral i went to his grave some people threw flowers while i threw granades

    Reply
  28. Citizen James

    For what it's worth, "on top of spaghetti' was a novelty song by Tom Glazer in the 1960's. The variations, however, are (as best I can tell) playground variations.

    The version I grew up with (Ventura, CA: late 70's early 80's' was as follows:

    On top of old smokey,
    All covered with sand
    I shot my poor teacher,
    with a red rubber band.

    I went to her funeral.
    I went to her grave.
    Instead of dropping flowers.
    I threw a hand grenade.

    Reply
  29. Anonymous

    I had no idea that anyone named Mr. Glazer published it in 1963, because I clearly remember singing it before that. So maybe his particular version, with the rimes of "bush" with "mush," came out in 1963, but our version was not that tame
    .
    The first two verses seem standard "on top of spaghetti. . . rolled out the door." What I am struggling with is the version of what happened to the meatball that we would sing, but the last line was always "and I honor my meatball on Memorial Day."

    Reply
  30. Anonymous

    Hilarious. All of them! This is the version we sang in school:

    On top of Ol' Smokey,
    all covered in sand
    I shot my poor teacher
    with a red rubber band.

    I did it with pleasure,
    I did it with pride.
    I couldn't have missed her;
    she was forty feet wide.

    I went to her funeral;
    I went to her grave.
    Everyone threw flowers;
    I threw a grenade.

    The police came and got me
    and threw me in jail.
    I got a machine gun,
    and blew them to hell.

    Reply
  31. Anonymous

    on top of a school bus
    all covered in sand
    i shot poor barney
    with a red rubber band
    i shot him with courage
    i shot him with pride
    i shot poor barney
    right in his left eye
    i went to his funeral
    i went to his grave
    i didn't bring flowers
    i bought a grenade
    i blew up the city
    i blew up the town
    i blew up poor barney
    right out of the ground

    Reply
  32. Anonymous

    On top of Old Smokey
    All covered with blood
    I shot my 'poor' teacher
    with a 40-foot slug

    I went to her funeral
    I spat on her grave
    Some people threw flowers
    I threw a grenade

    She chased me through heaven
    She chased me through hell
    Then i saw the devil and shot him aswell

    Reply
  33. Anonymous

    On top of Old Smokey
    All covered with blood
    I shot my 'poor' teacher
    with a 40-foot slug

    I went to her funeral
    I spat on her grave
    Some people threw flowers
    I threw a grenade

    I opened her coffin
    she still wasn't dead
    so i took a boozka
    and blew off the head

    She chased me through heaven
    She chased me through hell
    Then i saw the devil and shot him aswell

    Reply
  34. Anonymous

    Auckland, New Zealand… circa 1982

    On top of old Smokey
    All covered in sand
    I shot my poor teacher
    With a red rubber band

    I shot her with pleasure
    I shot her with pride
    I couldn't have missed her
    She was forty feet wide

    I went to her funeral
    It was a parade
    When everyone threw flowers
    I threw a grenade

    I saw her go to Pluto
    I saw her go to Mars
    She's still got that old habit
    Of smoking cigars

    Reply
  35. Anonymous

    After seeing all the other variations, I have come to the conclusion that the version I heard in California, late 1960s is also a schoolyard fabrication. I still don't see any other posts with the lyrics I remember hearing and always thought were original which are:

    On top of Old Smokey, all covered in snow,
    I lost my poor sweet heart, in 40 below…

    Reply
  36. Anonymous

    New Zealand, early 1980's

    On top of old smokey
    All covered in cheese
    I shot my poor teacher
    With a red rubberband

    I couldnt've missed her
    She was 40 foot wide
    I shot her with pleasure
    I shot her with pride

    I went to her funeral
    I went to her grave
    Some people threw flowers
    I threw a grenade

    Her body went up
    Her body went down
    Her body went splat
    All over the ground

    Reply
  37. Milhouse

    Australia, early '70s:
    On top of Old Smokey,
    all covered in blood,
    I saw my teacher
    stuck in the mud.

    A knife in her stomach,
    an axe in her head,
    I came to the conclusion
    my teacher was dead.

    I didn't go to her funeral,
    I didn't go to her grave,
    I didn't give her any flowers,
    just an old hand grenade.

    Reply
  38. Kristi

    On top of old Smokey
    All covered with sand
    I shot my poor teacher
    With a green rubberband.

    I shot her with pleasure
    I shot her with pride
    I couldn't have missed her
    She was 40 feet wide

    Then all of a sudden
    I heard a kaboom
    And my poor teacher
    Was all over the room

    Her head in the trash can
    Her ear in the fan
    But there was no sign
    Of my green rubber band.

    Oklahome late 70's / early 80's

    Reply
  39. robloxhockeyfan6342

    On top of Mount Diablo all covered in blood
    I shot poor Elmo with a machine gun
    I went to his funeral, I went to his grave.
    Some people threw flowers, I threw a grenade.
    It blew up the city it blew up the town.
    It blew poor Elmo right out of the ground.
    In 1,000,000 years later, he ruled the grave. So I blew off his head with a big laser bergade.

    Reply
  40. charlie

    1997 England, London age 10

    I climbed up a mountain
    I climbed up a tree
    I saw John major
    And blew off his knees

    I went to his funeral
    I went to his grave
    The others threw flowers
    I threw a grenade

    it blew up the city
    It blew up the town
    It blew John major
    Right out of the ground

    20 years later
    He still wasn't dead
    So I got a bazooka
    And blew off his head

    Reply
  41. Luke Belanger

    On top of a mountain
    All covered with blood,
    I shot my friend Barney
    With my 44 slug.

    I heard in the news one day
    That he wasnt quite dead,
    So I bought a bazooka
    And blew off his head

    I went to his funeral
    And drank lemonade
    I saw people throw flowers
    So I threw a grenade.

    He came back to haunt me
    In my house every night
    So I killed myself also
    And went into the light.

    But then I remembered
    I murdered Barney
    So I was put in a hell that
    Was made just for me.

    Reply
  42. af41205e-b600-11e2-84f2-000bcdcb8a73

    On top of old smokey
    All covered with lead
    I shot my old teacher
    And blew off her head

    It rolled down the mountain
    And into a ditch
    I shot my old teacher
    Cause she was a bitch

    NY, 1990's

    Reply
  43. d2a453c6-c808-11e2-95ce-000bcdcb8a73

    I think this is the best version:

    On top of a mountain
    All covered with sand
    I shot (name of someone you hate)
    With a big rubber band.

    I shot it with courage
    I shot it with pride
    How could I miss him?
    He was 50 feet wide.

    I went to his funeral
    I went to his grave
    Some people threw flowers
    I threw a grenade.

    50 years later
    He rose from the dead
    I got my bazooka
    And shot off his head.

    It rolled down the highway
    And into the sea
    The sharks were happy
    And they drank (name) tea!

    Reply
  44. d2a453c6-c808-11e2-95ce-000bcdcb8a73

    Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot to say where I heard it. This goes with the previous post (the one that says "I think this is the best version)

    New Jersey, mid 2000s

    Reply
  45. Sarah Vilburn

    This is one I made up, it's based of real events and is about my brother's cub scout leader. Just as a note 'Mount Fuji' is a mountain in Japan and a 'Fuji stick' is just a basically a walking stick that you can get at mount Fuji.

    On top of Mount Fuji,
    all covered in fog,
    My scout leader broke his poor fuji stick
    On a big old log
    he did a ninja move
    it was really cool
    but when he was finished
    he felt like a fool
    he had broken his fuji stick
    as broken could be
    he had broken his fuji stick
    so sad was he
    so if you have fuji sticks
    that you love so dear
    hold on to them tightly
    when Mathew comes near

    Reply
  46. Justin Gaberial

    Hello, this is fastidious post I actually loved reading this.
    General Recreation Inc

    Reply
  47. martyn

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    Reply
  48. A Hurst

    The one I would sing is:
    On top of old smokey
    sat (name) and me
    I got my bazooka
    and shot off his/her knee
    we went to the doctor
    he said he/she wasn't dead
    so I got my bazooka
    and shot off his/her head
    I went to his/her funeral
    I went to his/her grave
    some people threw flowers
    I threw a grenade

    Reply
  49. MrRahneM

    On top is a school bus
    All covered in cheese
    I shot my poor teacher
    Between the knees

    My teacher went up
    Up up up up
    My teacher send down
    Down Dow down down
    My teacher went splat
    All over the ground

    I went to her funeral
    I went to her grave
    People threw flowers
    I threw a grenade

    My teacher went up
    Up up up up
    My teacher send down
    Down Dow down down
    My teacher went splat
    All over the ground

    Reply
  50. Rachael Arkell

    England/Great Britain, at least since late 90s

    On top of Ol' Smokey
    All covered in soot
    There was a bald eagle
    He was scratching his foot.

    On top of Ol' Smokey
    All covered in grass
    That same bald eagle
    Was scratching his —

    Oh no don't get excited
    Now don't be misled
    Because that bald eagle
    Was scratching his head.

    Might be a mockery of America, I don't know. It's been around at least as long as I'm alive (I'm 15).

    Reply
  51. Jessica Bugo

    I always sung
    On top of a mountain, all covered in blood
    I shot my poor barney, with 62 guns
    I went to his funeral, I went to his grave
    Some people threw flowers
    I threw a grenade
    All demented and scary
    he rose from the dead
    so i blew his dang head off
    with big rpgs

    Reply
  52. Kale Kenworthy

    on top of the school bus,
    all covered with blood,
    I shot my friend Barney,
    with 500 guns.

    I went to his funereal,
    I went to his grave,
    some people threw flowers,
    I threw a grenade,

    I dug out his coffin,
    right out of the ground,
    I opened his coffin,
    and here's what I found,

    My old friend Barney,
    wasn't quite dead,
    so I took my bazooka,
    and shot off his head,

    it rolled down a mountain,
    and into a ditch,
    and right there he said to me,
    you son of a *****

    I am in 6th grade and here is the Colorado version.

    Reply
  53. socorro

    Somehow I missed the "kill teacher" version of this one, just the meatball.

    On top of spaghetti all covered with cheese
    I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed

    It rolled off the table and onto the floor
    and then my poor meatball it rolled out the door

    It rolled cross the sidewalk and under a bush
    and then my poor meatball was nothing but moosh

    The moosh was as tasty as tasty could be
    and then my poor meatball turned into a tree

    Reply
  54. Ian Hoare

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    Reply
  55. Ian Hoare

    On top of old smokey
    All covered with sand
    I shot my poor teacher
    With a big rubber band

    I shot her with pleasure
    I shot her with pride
    I couldn't have missed her
    She was 40 feet wide

    I went to her funeral
    I wept at her grave
    Some people threw flowers
    I threw a grenade

    I opened her coffin
    She wasn't quite dead
    So I took out a bazooka
    And blew off her head

    Reply
  56. wanderer

    The ending I remember is:
    The girls threw flower
    The boys threw grenades

    Reply
  57. WhittleMario

    On top of the school bus,
    Covered in cheese,
    I shot Barney,
    With an M16,
    I went to the graveyard,
    To spit on his grave,
    They're throwing flowers,
    I'm throwing grenades,
    Six years later,
    He came back to life,
    So I stabbed him,
    In the face with my knife.

    October 2014

    Reply
  58. DY DEO

    I enjoyed your entries on Toxic Words – such great thoughts and a wonderful reminder to watch the words I use – to be positive and kind and use words to build up rather than tear down. :)

    Reply
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    Reply
  61. KaliKross

    We sang this song in California (San Gabriel Valley) when I was a kid, attending elementary school during the early 80s. I had a discussion with my nine-year-old about how awful some of the songs we learned then were. This one would definitely be considered a terrorist threat by today's standards.And while we sang others that were openly bigoted and sexually inappropriate, this one takes the cake with its violent musings.

    Reply
  62. Unknown

    I hate you
    you hate me
    lets get together and kill Barney
    With a big fat rope tied around his neck
    the big purple dork ain't coming back

    Reply
  63. Anonymoose

    I made up an ending for it since i hadn't heard one myself.

    on top of Ol' Smokey
    all covered in blood
    I shot my poor teacher with a .44 Slug
    I went to her funeral i went to her grave
    most people threw flowers
    I threw a grenade

    If you don't like it
    Here's what I'll do
    What I did for teacher
    I'll do for you

    Reply
  64. Sydney

    I hear my mother singing this but I totally forgot what the ending was.

    On top of old smokey.
    All covered in sand.
    I shot my poor teacher.
    With a green rubber band.

    I went to her funeral.
    And danced on her grave.
    Instead of bringing flowers.
    I threw a grenade.

    (And that’s where it goes blank)
    [Where I can’t remember]

    Reply
  65. Cherry Darling

    On Top Of The Smokey
    All covered with flour
    I saw a naked lady singing in my shower
    I went to my room
    I got my guns
    I shot the poor lady
    Right in the buns

    As a kid this was my short hairy version

    Reply
  66. Danielle

    I seriously forgot where I heard this one but I know I heard it somewhere.

    On top of spaghetti all covered with blood
    I shot my teacher with a red BB gun
    I shot her head off, I watched as she died
    How could I miss her? She’s forty feet wide

    I went to her funeral, I went to her grave
    When the people threw flowers, I threw a grenade
    I blew up her tombstone, I blew up her house
    So that’s why school is permanently out

    Reply
  67. Rtpftguy

    From my Arizona schoolyards was similar to that of Sherman’s:
    On top of Old Smokey
    Where nobody goes,
    I saw Annie Oakley
    Without any clothes.

    Along came Gene Autry
    And took off his vest.
    But when he saw Annie,
    He took off the rest.

    Reply
  68. Danielle

    The other one, the spaghetti version, I remember hearing a variant of that from a kid somewhere. It started out normally (rhyming cheese with sneezed), and then it goes on like this:

    I said to that someone
    “Why did you sneeze?”
    He answered my question
    “I have allergies.”
    “You ruined my spaghetti!”
    “Now I can’t eat it!”
    “It’s covered in boogers!”
    He said “forget it”.
    I grabbed him by the throat
    And swung him out the door
    His last words were
    “FUCK!”
    Then I went to my school
    And shot the teacher
    The kids were all happy
    That she was dead forever
    I killed the principal
    And the crossing guard too
    So now me and my classmates
    We rule the school
    I hated my teacher
    She tortured the kids
    I’m glad she’s dead now
    Because she was such a BITCH!!!

    Reply
  69. darryl

    On top of Old Smokey
    All covered with blood,
    I saw my poor teacher
    With her face in the mud.
    A knife in her back,
    An axe in her head,
    I came to the conclusion,
    My teacher was dead.
    (the rest was the same as above.)

    Reply
  70. Joe Doe

    On top of an ice
    all covered in blood
    I shot poor barney
    with my 44 guns

    I went to the hospital
    he wasn’t quite dead
    I pulled out my bazooka
    and blew up his head

    I went to his funeral
    I went to his grave
    everyone threw flowers
    but I threw a grenade
    it blew up the city
    it blew up the town
    it blew up poor barney
    right out of the ground.

    Reply
  71. Tom

    (New York, mid 2000s)

    On top of a school bus,
    All covered in blood,
    I shot my poor teacher,
    With a machine gun.

    I went to her funeral,
    I went to her grave,
    Some people threw flowers,
    But I threw grenades.

    I opened her coffin,
    She wasn’t quite dead,
    So I took a bazooka,
    And shot off her head!

    Reply
  72. George

    California, 1979

    On top of Old Smokey,
    All covered with blood,
    I killed my poor teacher,
    with cigarette butts,
    I went to her funeral,
    I went to her grave,
    Some people threw flowers,
    but I threw grenades,
    They found me and shot me,
    Until I was dead,
    Too bad the new teacher,
    was shot through the head!

    Reply
  73. Alex

    New Zealand, late 90s:

    On top of Mount Everest
    All covered in snow
    I shot my teacher
    With only one blow

    I shot her with pleasure
    I shot her with pride
    I couldn’t quite miss her
    She’s 4 metres wide

    I went to her funeral
    I went to her grave
    Some people threw flowers
    I threw a grenade

    Her coffin went up
    Her coffin went down
    Her coffin went splat
    All over the ground

    I looked in her coffin
    She still wasn’t dead
    So I got my bazooka
    And shot off her head

    I met her in heaven
    I met her in hell
    The devil got mad so
    I shot him as well

    Reply
  74. Alex

    Also a complete nonsense version went around my school which didn’t rhyme but we all found amusing:

    On top of a hill
    All covered in grass
    I shot a tree
    It landed on my teacher’s ass

    I shot it with pleasure
    I shot it with pride
    I couldn’t quite miss it
    It was four million feet wide

    The tree went to her funeral
    The tree went to her grave
    Some people threw flowers
    The tree just threw grass

    The tree looked in her coffin
    She still wasn’t dead
    So it got a knife and fork
    And took over the world

    Reply
  75. Jill without Jack

    Here is what I sang as a kid…(and I still sing it occasionally haha)

    On top of Spaghetti, all covered in cheese,
    I lost my poor meatball
    When somebody sneezed
    It rolled off the table
    It rolled on the floor
    And then my poor meatball
    It rolled out the door
    It went through the garden
    It rolled in a bush
    And now my poor meatball
    Is nothing but mush

    Reply
  76. Kate

    Edmonton, Alberta, 1980s:

    On top of the schoolyard
    All covered in sand
    I shot my poor teacher
    With a red rubber band

    I shot her with pleasure
    I shot her with pride
    How could I have missed her
    She was 40 feet wide

    I went to her funeral
    I went to her grave
    Some people threw flowers
    I threw a grenade

    I checked in her coffin
    And she wasn’t quite dead
    So I took a bazooka
    And blew off her head

    Her head went a-flying
    Into deep outer space
    And all the poor Martians
    Died of disgrace

    Reply
  77. Boo

    My version when I was 7. (I’m 8 but almost 9) .

    On top of old Oinky
    All covered with muck
    I went and flipped elmo
    Then flipped elmo’s ducks
    I got a plastic (rubber) spatula
    He got flipped upside down
    I can’t wait to see barney
    Get all flipped around
    Didn’t get it from stores
    Where I got it you’ll see
    I took it from sponge bob
    When I watched YTV

    Here comes big old barney
    Walk onto the mat
    I got out my spatulas
    And flipped over his ….. (It makes people think you’re going to say “hat”)
    He cannot walk now
    He only can waddl
    I got out my spatulas
    And flipped over his bottle*

    Now how could this day get any flippier
    Because Dora just came here
    Dressed as a tippier
    I said “come on dora, let’s go on a trip”
    Then I pulled out a (brand of spatula)
    And gave her 18 flips
    Her big backpack landed in the zoo’s owldome
    And out came her sister
    Who she tried to take home

    I went back to my house
    But look, by the wall!
    I know who that is
    That’s a barbie doll
    I took a ping pong paddl
    And made her go flipping
    She fell in a ball pit
    But she land in a deep end .

    * bottle flip challenge

    I still watch YTV. SpongeBob has a spatula. To make krabby patties.

    Reply
  78. K

    This is what I learned from my Mum, which she learned circa late 50s in South Australia.

    On top of Mt Barker, all covered in sand
    I shot my poor teacher, with a green rubber band.
    I shot her with courage, I shot her with pride,
    I couldnt have missed her, she was 40 ft wide.

    I went to her funeral, I went to her grave.
    Some people threw flowers, I threw a grenade.
    Her body went up, her body went down,
    Her body went phftt all over the ground.

    Reply
  79. Russ

    In the 1960s in Kansas we would use Old Smokey and sometimes Old Spaghetti but the next line was:

    I shot Mr. Kruschev with a red rubber band,

    Reply
  80. Danielle

    On top of a small hill all covered in mud
    I blew up my teacher and sent her to the sun
    Her body went upwards, her body went down
    Her body went “SPLAT!” when it touched the ground

    We went to her funeral, we went to her grave
    As the people threw flowers, we threw a grenade
    I checked in her coffin and she wasn’t quite dead
    I took a machine gun and shot off her head

    (2010s)

    Reply
  81. InvaderYoukoChan

    I learned this one on a camping trip in high school.

    On top of Mt. Fuji, all covered in snow
    I threw myself off the summit to the ground below
    I bounced back up, I fell back down
    But nobody heard me make at least one sound

    I went to Kyoto, I went to Honshu
    I brought back this paper fan to give to you
    I saw Hello Kitty walking across the street
    She was wearing moon boots, so she got swept off her feet

    Princess Kaguya visited too
    She came with her rabbits and went back to the moon
    So if you visit Mt. Fuji, all covered in snow
    You better hold on tight, you’re in for one show!

    Reply

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