Stranded on a Toilet Bowl

This parody of the theme to “Branded,” a 1965-66 TV show that has survived in popular culture mainly because they refer to it it “The Big Lebowski.” The parody was recorded at least through the 1970, though, well after the show was history:

Stranded
Stranded on a toilet bowl
Stranded
Stranded
Stranded on a toilet bowl
What do you do when you’re stranded
And there ain’t nothing on the roll?
To prove you’re a man
You must wipe it with your hand
Stranded
Stranded on a toilet bowl!

Some variants include ending with “and lick it off!”

The song has actually been performed by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, who presumably grew up singing it. It was out of circulation in my day. How long did it last? Is it still out there in the wild?

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15 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Idaho Falls, Idaho mid 1960's, Longfellow Elementary School

    Reply
  2. Anonymous

    1969 – Floral Park, NY My brother singing it.

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  3. Anonymous

    Very curious about the origins of the song. The older brother of my best friend as his peers we singing it around 1966, or earlier in West Virginia, and when I moved 500 miles away the next year I found kids singing it in North Carolina. Amazing how fast these things travel. My friend's brother was always making stuff like this up, including one called "I'm dreaming of a pink-a-polka-dotted Christmas." Further lyrics to their version of Stranded: "If you're out in the woods and you want some relief and you can't find the goods you must wipe with a leaf." – or something similar…

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  4. txpatriot

    I recall singing this with my buddies in grade school in Dallas (around 1965-66 or so). Our lyrics were slightly different:

    Stranded
    Stranded on the toilet bowl
    What do you do when you're stranded
    And you don't have a roll?
    To prove you're a man
    You must wipe with your hand
    Stranded
    Stranded stranded stranded!

    Reply
  5. Mohammad Wong

    I learned a variation:

    Stranded
    Stranded
    Down in the toilet bowl
    What do you do when you're stranded
    And you can't reach the roll

    For the rest of your life you will have to be a man
    And use your hand

    Southern California, late 60's

    In the mid-80's I saw reruns of the TV show and was absolutely shocked. I had no idea the song I learned as a kid was based on a TV theme!

    Reply
  6. Glitter

    This was sung in Texas in the mid sixties. I know because I sang it.

    Reply
  7. adspace

    This was set to the theme of "Branded", the short lived western with Chuck Connors, following the wildly successful "Rifleman" series.

    The actual schoolyard lyrics are:

    Stranded
    Stranded on the toilet bowl
    What do you do when you're stranded, and you can't reach the roll?
    To prove you're a man you must wipe it with your hand
    To be freeeee (carry the e)
    from the bowl, the bowl, the bowl (each getting more silent)
    STRANDED!!! (sharp and loud)

    whip sound

    Cheers

    Reply
  8. adspace

    some kids replaced "reach" with "find the roll"

    Heh, we sang that this one for years, along with the Beverly Hillbillies "Ellie May" parody.

    Reply
  9. jessica sanko

    Bucks County, PA around the late 70's early 80s my dad sang it to us.

    Stranded……. stranded on the toilet bowl what do you do when your stranded and you don't have a roll?
    If your a man you will wipe it with your hand
    If you are young you will wipe it with your tongue
    Stranded……. stranded on the toilet bowl
    what do you do when your stranded and you don't have a roll?

    Reply
  10. jessica sanko

    Bucks County, PA around the late 70's early 80s my dad sang it to us.

    Stranded……. stranded on the toilet bowl what do you do when your stranded and you don't have a roll?
    If your a man you will wipe it with your hand
    If you are young you will wipe it with your tongue
    Stranded……. stranded on the toilet bowl
    what do you do when your stranded and you don't have a roll?

    Reply
  11. Alan Brodie

    Massachusetts. Mid 60's. There were several verses that changed the line about proving you're a man, ie…

    To prove you're a boy, you must wipe it with a toy
    To prove you're a lady, you must wipe it with your baby
    To prove you're a girl, you must wipe it with your curl,

    etc.

    Reply
  12. Bob

    Northeast NJ – 1960s
    Stranded
    Sitting on the toilet bowl
    What do you do when your stranded
    And you ain't got a roll
    To prove you're man you must wipe it with your hand

    Reply
  13. Alex Gangstead

    North Texas – 1990's
    Stranded, stick on the toilet bowl.
    What do you do when you're stranded,
    And you can't find a role?
    You must prove you're a man,
    So you wipe with you're hand,
    When you're stranded!

    My cousins and I were taught this song by our parents, who presumably learned it in the 60's

    Reply
  14. Steve Moser

    Stranded
    Stranded on the toilet bowl
    What do you do when you're stranded, and you can't reach the roll?
    Wherever you go for the rest of your life you must wipe with your hand

    Western Oregon, mid 1960s.

    Reply
  15. Ana Feld

    Stranded
    Stranded on the toilet bowl
    What do you do when you’re stranded, and you don’t have a roll?
    Do you act like a man? And use your hand?
    Or do you whine and cry and call a friend.

    My dad (b. 1959 in Indiana) sang this to us as kids, but from the rest of the comments it seems he may have altered the lyrics a bit.

    Reply

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